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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826263">Hunger</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepestbluest/pseuds/deepestbluest'>deepestbluest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>'Is fullness a metaphor' and other questions let's not ask, Canon Universe, Cooking, Getting Together, Jiraiya appears but he's a pretender to the Naruto's Dad throne, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:53:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/deepestbluest/pseuds/deepestbluest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka learns to cook, falls in love, and gets drunk, but not in that order.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Umino Iruka &amp; Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>680</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>“I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it -- to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once.”<br/>- Murakami Haruki, Norwegian Wood</p><p>I did, perhaps, start watching Kino Nani Tabeta before writing this.</p><p>The ~cooking concepts~ may or may not be real. Anything I get wrong can and should be blamed on the people who taught me how to cook (read: prefer not to) and definitely not on my refusal to use the free service known as Google.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’re eating ramen together like they always do when Naruto comes home from a mission. He looks better than he usually does; his clothes aren’t ripped and his skin is clean. He ran up to Iruka without shadows around his eyes. He was ready to eat. He was ready to talk. He was ready to whine, “Sensei,” and be happy.</p><p>Iruka loves him so much, he had to hide his face so Naruto wouldn't see him tear up in relief. Naruto came back again, and Iruka can breathe easier for a while. He'll have to start worrying again when Naruto gets his next mission, but until then, Iruka can sit with his student and think about the things that make Naruto happy, not the things that put him in danger. </p><p>Naruto is small, and he doesn’t know it.</p><p>He’s gone hungry needlessly, and he doesn’t know it.</p><p>He’s been hated, is hated, and he knows it.</p><p>Naruto doesn’t eat so much as devour, and he doesn't know that's unnatural.</p><p>Ramen fills his belly and warms him from the inside out, so Iruka quietly adjusts his budget as much as he can. He can cut back on some things if he has to.</p><p>Naruto beams at him when their meal is over, pleased to be full.</p><p>His forehead protector catches the light when Naruto shakes his head as he relays heavily edited versions of his missions. He doesn’t do it with malice; he sees the glory he could reach if he were allowed to reach for it, and he’s only twelve years old. He’s brave and kind and proud, and Iruka will be relieved when Naruto surpasses him.</p><p>The stronger Naruto gets, the safer he’ll be.</p><p>Someday, Konoha will have a hokage who doesn’t let anyone go hungry. That man looms large in Iruka's mind. He's a devoted leader and indomitable ninja. That Naruto will be happy and beloved, and the Nine Tails won't deprive him of any of that.</p><p>“Hey, Sensei?”</p><p>Blinking, Iruka returns his attention to the Naruto sitting next to him now, the boy who's still a long way from seeing his face carved into Hokage Rock.</p><p>“Hm? Something wrong?”</p><p>“It’s time to pay…”</p><p>Naruto’s eyes are shining, triumphant after a successful mission, and Iruka lets himself smile.</p><p>“You’re going to have to treat me one day when you're rich and repaying Teuchi,” he says as he reaches into his pocket for his wallet. “I’m going to eat like you do, so be sure to save up for a while before you invite me.”</p><p>Naruto grins at him. “I will! If Kakashi-sensei ever lets us do something more than D-rank missions, it won’t take that long…”</p><p>He pouts as Iruka pays Ayame.</p><p>“You’ll get there, Naruto-kun,” she says kindly.</p><p>“That’s right!” Teuchi adds. “You’ll be out there in no time.”</p><p>Iruka smiles. It’s good to see Naruto being looked after. Teuchi and Ayame have been with Naruto in ways Iruka wasn't; their affection for him runs deeper than simple loyalty to a good customer.</p><p>“See?” Iruka nudges Naruto. “You just have to be patient until your teacher knows you’re ready. Speaking of- it’s time for genin to go home and sleep.”</p><p>Naruto groans. “But, Iruka-sensei!”</p><p>“You aren’t going to convince Kakashi-sensei that you’re ready for more dangerous work if you show up sleepy.”</p><p>Naruto pouts harder, but he gets up when Iruka does.</p><p>It’s good that Iruka has been teaching for so long he’s mostly immune to pouting. If he weren’t, he’d constantly be giving into Naruto’s wide-eyed, hopeful, manipulative looks.</p><p>He’s more dangerous when he’s hopeful than when he’s angry.</p><p>“Tell you what," Iruka says. "If you promise to go right to bed, I’ll make you something for you to add to your lunch tomorrow.”</p><p>Naruto‘s expression shutters, and Iruka’s jaw clenches. Naruto isn’t careless with his money; he shouldn’t be running out this early.</p><p>“Actually,” he says before Naruto has to try to find a way out of this unexpected awkward situation, “I’ve seen the mission reports Kakashi-sensei has been turning in for Team 7. He has good things to say about you. You’ve been working hard; you deserve a full bento. I’ll make you something nice.” Naruto’s expression turns skeptical, and Iruka sighs. “By which I mean I'll ask my neighbor to make it. You like Kanako’s cooking, right?”</p><p>The hope returns in even greater force as Naruto jumps into the air and shouts happily.</p><p>Iruka is quick to add, “But you have to promise me you’ll go right home and sleep!”</p><p>“I will!”</p><p>“Do I have to walk you home and tuck you in to be sure?”</p><p>Naruto doesn’t seem to have figured out that Iruka’s threat is an offer to keep him company a little longer- as well as an opportunity to check on what he’s eating under the guise of cleaning.</p><p>Good.</p><p>“No, I’ll go to bed!” Naruto promises. “I’m tired from doing so well on the mission anyway!”</p><p>Trust Naruto to turn bedtime into a brag.</p><p>“I’ll probably be at the Academy before you come by,” Iruka tells him, “so you’ll have to use the key I gave you. If you want to take a drink with you, I went shopping, so you can have whatever you want unless it's in the Not For Naruto box. Be sure to lock up after you leave, and be good for your teacher, okay?”</p><p>Naruto nods enthusiastically. “Thanks, Sensei!”</p><p>Iruka pats his shoulder, warmed by Naruto’s joy despite the anger curling in his gut. Something as simple as being fed should be a given. Iruka never went without food, and he knows Sasuke doesn’t.</p><p>“Go on, then,” he says, giving Naruto a gentle push forward. “Get some sleep!”</p><p>“Okay, okay!”</p><p>Naruto runs off with a quick wave over his shoulder.</p><p>Iruka waves back, too angry and too happy to think about the impact this unexpected shopping trip is going to have on his savings. Kanako is already more than generous to cook for Naruto for free when she works full time. He won’t ask her to use her own money on top of that.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>He’s checking his list as he reaches for a large bag of rice, something he knows he can cook and slip the rest into Naruto’s apartment later, when his hand knocks into something.</p><p>“Oh! Kakashi-sensei. Sorry, I didn’t notice you.”</p><p>Kakashi smiles at him. “No harm done. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, actually.”</p><p>“You have?” Other than being Naruto’s last teacher, Iruka doesn’t have much to do with Kakashi’s world. They see each other at the Missions Desk sometimes, but the last time Team 7 returned a report when he was working was weeks ago. There’s no reason Kakashi would wait so long if he had a complaint about something from then.</p><p>Besides, Kakashi tends to hand in exemplary paperwork.</p><p>Kakashi nods, but his smile fades. “It’s about Naruto. I have a feeling we’re thinking the same thing, though.”</p><p>He nods at the bag of rice.</p><p>Iruka lets out a breath. “So you noticed, too.”</p><p>“Konoha does have a number of orphans, Iruka-sensei. It isn’t difficult to notice when things aren’t right with them if you pay attention.”</p><p><em> That’s right. His parents died when he was a child, too. </em>Iruka tends to forget about that. Some of Kakashi’s… eccentricities do seem like the sorts of things parents would discourage. Konoha’s White Fang wouldn’t have let his son walk around with his nose in a book of erotica in public if he’d lived long enough to see Kakashi grow up.</p><p>Or maybe he would have. By all accounts, he’d been a kind, tolerant man; he may well have allowed Kakashi to cultivate a reputation for being a bit off-kilter.</p><p>None of that matters. Hatake Sakumo died years ago, and Hatake Kakashi is what he is.</p><p>“Can you cook?” Iruka asks curiously. “I was going to ask my neighbor if she could help. I can’t really do much more than onigiri, and he needs protein.”</p><p>“So you can make something that doesn’t require any actual cooking?” Kakashi’s visible eyebrow lifts. His voice is more amused than judgmental as he adds, “Teachers must earn more than I thought if you aren’t cooking for yourself.”</p><p>“Or I mostly eat rice and trade with other teachers. I’m working on the rest,” Iruka corrects quickly. “I can’t give him something burnt, can I?”</p><p>Kakashi rediscovers his smile. “He’d still eat it. Well, he’d try, anyway. You’re very important to him.”</p><p>Iruka doesn’t argue with him. Besides suffering, Naruto doesn’t do many things quietly, least of all affection. He doesn’t make a secret of his habit of seeking Iruka out when he gets back from missions. He’s even crashed a few of Iruka’s lessons.</p><p>“He has to start winning the village over somewhere,” Iruka says simply. “I'm happy it was with me.”</p><p>“If he's going to win over more people, he’s going to need his strength. Which is why we're going to go shopping together.”</p><p>Iruka blinks, unsure what to make of this command masquerading as an offer. “We are?”</p><p>“We are! I don’t know what Naruto likes. He eats most things I put in front of him, and he doesn’t really spend much time with me outside practice. If I’m going to cook him something, I’d like him to enjoy it.” Kakashi tilts his head. “Rather than asking your neighbor, you can just make use of me.”</p><p>He says it cheerfully, without frustration or ego, and Iruka remembers belatedly that a consistent element of Kakashi’s missions is his care for his teammates.</p><p>Of course he sees Naruto working hard without food and wants to feed him.</p><p>“If we’re making a bento,” Iruka says slowly, “he likes shogayaki.”</p><p>“Kinpira gobo would be a good side since you can make rice.”</p><p>“You‘re making fun of me, but we all have to start somewhere.”</p><p>Kakashi tips his head forward in acknowledgement. It’s hard to tell, but his mask seems to shift with a smile. “Between us, we can do more than start.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“No, not that one,” Kakashi says as Iruka points out the cheapest cut of pork to the man working behind the counter.</p><p>Iruka frowns up at him. “What?”</p><p>“You‘re buying with your wallet in mind. We’re using mine.” With that, Kakashi points at a different, better cut. “That one, please. Don’t make that face, Sensei. My parents left me enough money to keep me comfortable, and I live modestly. I can afford to spoil my students sometimes.”</p><p>Behind the counter, the man looks between them. Kakashi gives Iruka a patient look, and Iruka’s own desire to give Naruto good things wins over his concern about spending someone else’s money.</p><p>“That one,” he says, pointing to the one Kakashi picked, and pretends he doesn’t notice Kakashi’s mask shift around a smile.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>On the way to the checkout, Iruka runs into Kotetsu and Izumo.</p><p>
  <em> Please don't still hold a grudge about that drinking game… </em>
</p><p>“Having a party?” Kotetsu asks as he openly peers into the baskets Iruka and Kakashi are holding. “You must really want to impress someone, Iruka. You’ve never bought that fancy brand before.” He looks at Iruka shrewdly. “Or could it be that you're buying with someone else’s money?”</p><p>Iruka coughs, and over his shoulder, Kakashi says, amusement clear in his voice, “Good evening, Kotetsu-san.”</p><p>Kotetsu grins at him, and Iruka resigns himself to an embarrassing situation.</p><p>“How are you, Izumo?” he asks, knowing he can’t stop a runaway train but figuring it can’t hurt to try to throw some things in its path. “You must have just finished your shifts at the archive.”</p><p>“We did,” Izumo says, looking relieved. “Someone made a mess back there before we came in, and we still hadn't finished when our replacements arrived.”</p><p>How much of that is due to the amount of work and how much is due to Kotetsu and Izumo’s habit of finding distractions for themselves when no one is around to complain, Iruka isn’t going to guess.</p><p>Pretending not to notice the knowing look his friends exchange, he takes advantage of the moment to ask, “Did Daikoku talk to you about the next demonstration yet?”</p><p>“Did he tell us we’re not allowed to demonstrate the use of weapons longer than our arms anymore, you mean?” Izumo asks. He shoots Kotetsu a significant look. “Yes, he did.”</p><p>Kotetsu sighs. “If I wasn't supposed to let them try the fan, you should have told me that ahead of time.”</p><p>Iruka sighs. “It seemed self-explanatory that you shouldn't give weapons to six year olds.”</p><p>“Six… eleven… fifteen… They're all kids, aren't they? How am I supposed to tell them apart?”</p><p>“It was good to see you, Iruka,” Izumo says quickly, the runaway train suddenly turning around and headed back toward him. “And you, Kakashi-san.”</p><p>Leaning in, Kotetsu whispers, “Be sure to find out how deep sugar daddy here's pockets run.”</p><p>Iruka’s face burns as Izumo tugs Kotetsu away, complaining as he does about needing to buy new sponges because of Kotetsu.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that,” Iruka apologizes, turning to face Kakashi.</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head, but his cheeks are pink above his mask. “It’s fine. I used to live with Guy. He’s more perceptive than you want a roommate to be.”</p><p>Even though he’s complaining, he sounds fond.</p><p>It’s good for him to have someone like Guy, Iruka thinks to himself. Guy brings sunshine with him wherever he goes. He’s as earnest and joyful as shinobi are taught not to be, and all of Konoha benefits from it. Whenever Iruka has to take reports of casualties, he hopes Guy or Guy’s delightful miniature will come in afterwards. He can’t get too caught up in their losses when someone is proclaiming the great vitality of youth.</p><p>As a roommate, though, he can imagine Guy’s exuberance might be troublesome.</p><p>“I can imagine,” Iruka says.</p><p>“You can’t,” Kakashi counters with a rueful look, “but that’s a good thing.”</p><p>Iruka dips his head, accepting that.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi is standing in Iruka’s kitchen, scanning the room with a look of dismay. Iruka is unpacking the groceries, all better quality than he’s had since he was a child, and pretending not to notice.</p><p>“Naruto learned a lot from you, didn’t he?” Kakashi asks.</p><p>Iruka pauses and looks over at him. “That sounds a lot like a complaint, Kakashi-sensei.”</p><p>“Just an observation.” Kakashi tilts his head at the knife he dug out of a drawer earlier and placed on Iruka’s counter. “You have one cooking knife, Iruka-sensei, and it’s dull.”</p><p>Iruka nods. “Yeah, I figured it would be easier if I just used a kunai.” He watches Kakashi freeze and lets himself smile. “I’m kidding. I just don’t use knives very much, and the good ones are more expensive than I could justify buying when I moved in.”</p><p>“Have you considered that you don’t use knives because you don’t have any good ones? You wouldn’t use a dull shuriken.”</p><p>“I think you’ll find that as a teacher at the Academy, I rarely use anything else, but I take your point.”</p><p>“Good. That means you- Was that a pun?”</p><p>“Not intentionally.”</p><p>Kakashi gives him a suspicious look before he continues, “I’m going to grab my knives from home while you unpack. Actually, I’m checking your pans first.”</p><p>It should be embarrassing, and it is. Kakashi isn’t passing much judgment, though.</p><p>The amount of judgment does increase when he scowls at the two pans he finds. Iruka hefts the bag of rice out of the bag and pretends not to notice.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi returns with several pans and a roll of knives.</p><p>“You’re going to watch,” he tells Iruka as he lays out the pans and knives. “I’ll explain what I’m doing while I do it. Be sure to pay attention. I’ll be quizzing you when I finish.”</p><p>Iruka doesn’t argue, intrigued as he is by Kakashi’s comfort ordering Iruka around in his own home. It wouldn’t do to let it go completely, though.</p><p>“And if I fail?” he asks. “What’s the price of being a poor student?”</p><p>Kakashi stops peering at Iruka’s sad little oven long enough to give him an assessing look. “It’s better if you don’t find out,” he says with a smile that doesn’t match the threat in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka pays attention.</p><p>He watches closely as Kakashi cuts the gobo and tosses it into the frying pan.</p><p>He listens as Kakashi explains the point of sautéing, what it does for vegetables, and how to do it.</p><p>He takes note of the different types of pans, their shapes and names and uses, the materials they’re made of what they mean.</p><p>He does the same for the knives.</p><p>He asks his first question when the oil in the skillet begins to smoke, and to his relief, Kakashi seems happy to be asked. He explains why the oil should always be piping hot, gesturing to his covered mouth with a wince as he describes the feeling of biting into broccoli cooked in oil that wasn’t hot enough and getting a mouthful of oil.</p><p>The quiz comes as Kakashi is placing the food in the bento box they box for Naruto.</p><p>“Which has taller sides- a saucepan or a skillet?” he asks.</p><p>“A saucepan,” Iruka says confidently.</p><p>Kakashi nods, looking genuinely pleased.</p><p>Iruka tries not to take it as a slight. He isn’t a genius, but he can memorize a few names and descriptions.</p><p>“The next one won’t be as easy,” Kakashi warns, and Iruka puts his hands on his hips, ready for whatever Kakashi throws at him.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>The food has cooled enough to cover without steaming up when Kakashi nods to himself.</p><p>“You’re a very good student, Iruka-sensei,” he says approvingly. “It’s a shame Naruto didn’t inherit that.”</p><p>Iruka shakes his head. “He’s just bad at reading. He went from inept at a simple transformation to creating a hundred Shadow Clones in a few hours- with the right incentive and the right setting, he’s very intelligent.”</p><p>“His own kind of genius,” Kakashi says, inclining his head in agreement. His voice is fond, and Iruka feels a rush of relief at the sight.</p><p>Naruto really is loved by someone else, and not just anyone. He’s got the affection of a respected, talented ninja. Kakashi’s interest in him will speed up Naruto’s quest for recognition.</p><p>It’s bittersweet. Naruto is finding his place in the world; before he knows it, Iruka won’t be so important to him. </p><p>“Your reward for passing,” Kakashi says, “is private lessons from a talented cook.”</p><p>Iruka frowns at him, confused, until the pieces click into place.</p><p>“That’s an interesting way of inviting yourself into my home,” Iruka replies. He puts his hands back on his hips and gives Kakashi a look he usually saves for unruly students.</p><p>Kakashi only smiles at him. “It would be nice if you could cook for Naruto whenever you wanted to, wouldn’t it?” he asks. “I’ll bring the supplies. All you need to do is show up.”</p><p>“In my own home,” Iruka reminds him.</p><p>“Convenient, isn’t it?”</p><p>It really is a good offer. Being able to cook would be better on his wallet, and he might be able to distract Naruto from Ichiraku a bit with the novelty of Iruka cooking for him.</p><p>“It would be rude to refuse such generosity,” Iruka says. “Thank you for your help, Kakashi-sensei. I look forward to working with you.”</p><p>Oddly, Kakashi’s cheeks turn pink like they had when Kotetsu called him Iruka’s sugar daddy.</p><p>All he says is, “Then I’ll be seeing you!”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka leaves a note next to Naruto’s lunch. It isn't anything meaningful, just a reminder for Naruto to keep up the good work, but he found a stash of notes in one of the little hideaways he has in his apartment. They're all from Iruka. Not a single one contains anything worth keeping. They're all variants of "I know you're just scribbling, not actually writing words" and "Good job!" but Naruto must have started collecting them ages ago. Iruka doesn't have any idea what most of them were about.</p><p>He doesn't think too hard about why Naruto keeps them, just makes time to leave him a note when he can find a reason to- or make up a reason.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi doesn’t reappear for two weeks. Naruto beats him by six hours. He shows up at the Academy during Iruka’s lunch break and runs over with a happy whoop.</p><p>“We found her,” he tells Iruka without specifying who “she” is. “She was with her boyfriend. They were hiding in this huge forest. It was cursed, so we kept getting lost. Even Kakashi-sensei had to use his dogs. They’re really cool, though! One of them even talks!”</p><p>He’s so enthusiastic, Iruka feels the weariness he’d been fighting disappear. </p><p>Naruto keeps talking, unfazed by Iruka’s continued work preparing for tomorrow’s lesson so long as Iruka replies or prompts him for an explanation now and again.</p><p>Iruka is almost done when Naruto goes quiet suddenly.</p><p>Looking up from his attendance sheet, Iruka frowns at Naruto. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Naruto nods, but he looks upset. “Lunch was really good, Sensei. I was really happy you made it. I was going to bring it back, but Kakashi-sensei said we had to leave right away and I didn’t get to return your lunchbox.”</p><p>“That’s fine,” Iruka says, waving him off. “I know you get called away like that. I never thought you were trying to keep it.”</p><p>“The lady’s boyfriend broke it, though,” Naruto says in a rush. “I tried to take care of it, but it fell out of my pocket, and he could breathe fire, and-”</p><p>Iruka walks over and pulls Naruto into a hug.</p><p>“You're a good kid,” he tells the wall beyond Naruto’s head. “Taking care of other people’s things is important. But I don’t care about a lunchbox. You’re safe. That’s what matters, idiot.”</p><p>Naruto sighs and squeezes Iruka’s waist so hard it hurts.</p><p>Patting Naruto’s head, Iruka pulls him closer.</p><p>“I know we usually go to Ichiraku, but how about we get takeout instead?” he suggests. “I want to hear more about that forest, and my back is killing me from all that lifting.”</p><p>Naruto nods against him, unaccountably small for someone who fills up so much of Iruka’s life.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>They’re sitting on the swings on the playground, Naruto’s empty box in Iruka’s lap and the second half of Iruka’s box transferred to Naruto. Naruto has finally mastered the art of swallowing before he speaks, but he isn’t talking much now.</p><p><em> The mission caught up with him, </em> Iruka thinks fondly as Naruto nods off for the second time in the same sentence.</p><p>“Come on,” Iruka says, getting to his feet. “You’re about to fall over.”</p><p>He holds out his hand, and Naruto is so tired, he takes it without an argument, letting himself be pulled to his feet and toward the street.</p><p>They don’t make it ten steps before he trips and almost falls over.</p><p>“Sorry, Sensei,” he says, the drowsiness starting to clear from his eyes. “I can make it home on my own.”</p><p>“I know you can,” Iruka tells him. “But you aren’t going to tonight.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>Iruka sets the empty box in his hands on the ground and takes the half-full one from Naruto, which he lays on top of the empty one.</p><p>He debates the best way to do this for a moment before taking Naruto’s arm and awkwardly stepping into him, hoisting Naruto up and onto his back.</p><p>There have been better starts to piggyback rides, but he gets Naruto up despite the squirming, which is good enough.</p><p>“Sensei!” Naruto starts to argue.</p><p>“I’m not letting my student walk home alone when he’s this tired,” Iruka says over him as he collects the boxes. “Your job is to focus on holding on. I only have one hand.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do all this…”</p><p>“No, I don’t, but I’m going to because I want to. You’re important, you know, so let your teacher bring you home and stop arguing with him.”</p><p>“Why?” Naruto mumbles. “You aren’t really my teacher anymore.”</p><p>He adjusts his grip anyway.</p><p>Iruka lightly bumps Naruto’s face with the back of his head. “Not your teacher anymore? If I was your teacher once, then I’ll always be your teacher. Stop being so stubborn.”</p><p>Naruto doesn’t answer.</p><p>His breath comes evenly and deeply, and Iruka smiles to himself.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka is struggling to adjust Naruto’s position on his back one-handed when a voice asks, “Can I help you with some of that, Sensei?”</p><p>Holding out the boxes, Iruka nods. “Please.”</p><p>Kakashi gives him a curious look but takes the boxes without complaint. “I was thinking of our student,” he says, watching Iruka with one solemn eye as Iruka finally has enough hands to balance Naruto’s dead weight.</p><p>“Were you?” Iruka asks. “That was kind of you. He’s perfectly fine where he is, though.”</p><p>His voice is sharper than he intends it to be, and for a moment, Kakashi looks at him in surprise.</p><p>The surprise gives way to a smile. “He fidgeted the whole way back. He wanted to see you, but he was worried you would be upset about the lunchbox.”</p><p>“Of course he was.” Iruka shakes his head. “You didn’t tell him it was yours.”</p><p>“It didn’t seem important.”</p><p>“You didn’t tell him you did most of the work.”</p><p>“That didn’t seem important either.”</p><p>It’s a long walk to Naruto’s apartment. Iruka knows they could move faster, but he isn’t willing to risk waking Naruto up. It's been a long two weeks, and Naruto doesn't understand moderation.</p><p>He’s relieved Kakashi doesn’t bring it up.</p><p>“I’ll pay you back for the lunchbox,” Iruka says.</p><p>“You don’t have to.”</p><p>“I will repay you for the lunchbox,” Iruka says again, more firmly.</p><p>He can feel Kakashi evaluating him, and he slowly squares his shoulders. He doesn’t have much money, but he can afford to replace a lunchbox.</p><p>“That’s very thoughtful of you, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi says. “Thank you.”</p><p>Relieved that he doesn’t have to fight to repay Kakashi, Iruka nods and quietly says, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>They walk without speaking most of the rest of the way to the apartment.</p><p>“Will you tell me why you’re bringing him here?” Kakashi asks without preamble. “I would have thought you’d bring him home with you.”</p><p>Iruka sighs. “I would if I could. He has his pride, though. If he thought I was pitying him, he’d never forgive me.”</p><p>“So you bring him back here.”</p><p>“So I bring him back here.”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, Iruka sees Kakashi tilt his head back and frown up at the sky.</p><p>“He had other teachers before he had you,” Kakashi says slowly. “None of them grew so attached to him.”</p><p>“None of them wanted to. We’re only human. Even the best teachers have limits. We all fail sometimes.”</p><p>Kakashi hums thoughtfully; he seems to do that frequently. “You didn’t fail him.”</p><p>“He didn’t let me. The Third reminded me to think about how much he never had, but Naruto had already made me acknowledge how much good is inside him.”</p><p>Naruto mumbles in his sleep, and Iruka wishes like he’s wished for very few things in his life that he could take Naruto away from here. The lights from the red-light district are too bright; there's too much noise.</p><p>There's too much red-light district.</p><p>Naruto is twelve. He shouldn't be anywhere near this place.</p><p>If Iruka moved some things around, Naruto could live with him. It would be tight, especially with all the food Naruto eats, but it would be doable.</p><p>“Does he ever talk to you about the Nine Tails?” Kakashi asks.</p><p>Iruka shakes his head. “He doesn’t. Why?”</p><p>“He doesn’t talk to me either. It must bother him, though. He’s a sensitive kid, and thanks to his other teacher, he knows why so much of the village avoids him. Normally he won’t stop talking, but when it comes to carrying the demon that killed his parents and yours, he has nothing to say.”</p><p>Iruka has been wondering about that himself. “He doesn’t talk about his own pain on his own. You’ve noticed, haven’t you?” At Kakashi’s nod, Iruka continues, “I worry about that. Is it some form of misplaced penance for having the Nine Tails sealed inside him? What if he never says how much it hurts because he thinks he can't?”</p><p>“Unless he decides to tell us, we’ll never know, I suppose,” Kakashi says slowly. “The best thing we can do is what you’re already doing.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“You.” Kakashi smiles at him again. “You love him, Iruka-sensei. He knows you do. That’s why he’s so strong. You embrace him when he returns and sit with him in public. That's significant.”</p><p>“I’m his teacher, and everyone knows I’m fond of my students. There's nothing unusual or significant about any of that."</p><p>Kakashi looks at him from the corner of his eye. “People have been less friendly with you since Naruto graduated, haven’t they?”</p><p>Iruka frowns, thrown by the non-sequitur. “A bit. I thought it was fear at first, but that's not it. Some people won't even look me in the eye."</p><p>“You're right. It isn't fear. It's shame.”</p><p>“Of me? Because I didn’t abandon Naruto?” Iruka isn’t a child anymore, but the temper he never fully reined in flares up. “He’s done nothing to deserve the treatment he gets."</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head. “They aren’t ashamed of you. They’re ashamed of themselves. You, who lost your entire family to the Nine Tails, were kind to Naruto before they were. You never treated him with open disdain like some of them have. How can they justify punishing him when you won’t?”</p><p>“Plenty of people lost family members.”</p><p>“But not their entire family. They didn’t watch their loved ones die.” Turning back to Naruto’s apartment as they continue their approach, Kakashi continues, “You’re a capable ninja in good standing. Even if no one says it plainly, your opinion carries weight in the village. By accepting Naruto and teaching him like the rest of your students, not a time bomb worthy of fear and scorn, you force everyone to question how they see him.</p><p>“‘If Umino Iruka acknowledges his talent, Naruto must be more than a troublemaker,' they think. ‘If the man whose parents died at the hands of the monster inside him is willing to make a scene in public when a senior ninja speaks ill of that boy, he must be that man’s precious student.’ ‘If Umino Iruka, who loves Konoha, was willing to die for Naruto, that boy must not be dangerous to us.’ 'If Umino Iruka can sit with him and share a meal, how can we hate him?'" Kakashi hums to himself again. "Shame can be a horrible thing, but it does serve a purpose. And in this case, it's deserved. Don't you think?"</p><p>Iruka coughs, hoping to clear his throat but finding it just as tight. “You give me a lot of credit.”</p><p>“But not more than you deserve.” Kakashi quirks a smile at him. “Konoha sees you as a dear teacher. Your name is attached to his; anything done to him is done to you. So you protect him just by standing beside him. Even if he doesn't realize how much more it does, being loved by you makes Naruto happy. So be sure to keep loving him. His path in life isn't going to be easy; he's going to need someone who can give him the love his parents couldn't.” Kakashi slouches a little deeper. "He already relies on you for it. He just doesn't realize he's doing it- as a child shouldn't. A father's love ought to be a certainty, right?"</p><p>Throat only getting tighter, Iruka rasps, “Kakashi-sensei…”</p><p>“Don’t worry. I’ll do my best to look after him, too. The first step is getting him into bed.”</p><p>Kakashi gestures at the front doors of Naruto’s apartment building, which they’ve just reached.</p><p>Naruto mumbles in his sleep, and Iruka just knows he’s drooling on Iruka’s flak jacket.</p><p>It’s fine, though. Naruto is safe and happy; he can drool on Iruka a little.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Naruto doesn’t wake up when Iruka delicately swings him into bed or when Iruka puts his sleep cap on. He curls up on his side as Iruka pulls the blankets into place, and he only sighs when Iruka says, “Goodnight, Naruto. You’ve earned your sleep.”</p><p>Kakashi is waiting in the kitchen, surveying the sorry state of Naruto’s food.</p><p>Without a word, he and Iruka throw away everything that’s inedible or too close to it for Iruka’s comfort. There’s enough left for Naruto to eat breakfast tomorrow, but Iruka will sneak in and supplement his supplies while Naruto is training with Kakashi.</p><p>“Thank you for helping,” he says as he lifts up the over-full garbage bag and Kakashi replaces it with a fresh one. “I was worried I was going to drop him.”</p><p>“Don’t praise me too much. I helped partly out of selfishness.”</p><p>“A selfish desire to watch me carry a bag of expired food?” Iruka asks.</p><p>He hears Kakashi huff. “A selfish desire to make you squirm a little when I tell you it’s time for your next cooking lesson.”</p><p>“It’s eight o’clock at night.”</p><p>“We’re ninjas, Iruka-sensei. We can stay up a little later than that. Besides, this one will be easy.”</p><p>Maybe it’s the way Kakashi is managing to slouch and saunter down the stairs, but Iruka doesn’t trust him.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi waits for Iruka to wash his hands and sit down at the table before he reaches into his pockets and produces eight eggs, each one nestled between two fingers.</p><p>It’s eight o’clock on a school night, and Iruka is tempted to make a very questionable suggestion to a very dangerous man about where, exactly, he should put those eggs.</p><p>Kakashi is smiling, though, and as far as Iruka can tell, he’s genuinely pleased with himself for his trick.</p><p>“Eggs,” Kakashi says needlessly. He sounds as eased as he looks. “A good source of protein you can prepare very easily. We’ll stick to three ways of cooking tonight: fried, poached, and soft boiled.” He waves at Iruka’s stovetop with one hand, eggs still balanced between his fingers. “Would you care to guess which pans we’ll be using?”</p><p>“Am I going to be upset with you for buying cookware for me?” Iruka asks.</p><p>“I got it all used and very cheap,” Kakashi says brightly. “How are you supposed to learn without the necessary tools? Don’t scowl so hard- I brought you the receipt. You can repay me for them and the lunchbox at your convenience.”</p><p>There’s no sense in arguing with him, so Iruka walks to the cabinets, looks over his almost-new pots and pans, and tells himself he doesn’t dread the idea of his apartment smelling like eggs right before bed.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You can light a candle when the food starts to smell or after you finish,” Kakashi advises. “It will neutralize the smell a bit.”</p><p>“That’s good to know. Thank you.”</p><p>Iruka hadn’t said anything about the smell; he’s glad Kakashi thought to mention it on his own.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi stops Iruka with a touch to the back of his hand.</p><p>“The trick to frying protein is that it won’t stick to the pan when it’s cooked. If the egg is floppy or clinging to the pan and won’t flip easily, it needs more time.”</p><p>Iruka nods and pulls his hand back.</p><p>“You remembered it’s better to heat longer on a lower temperature, though,” Kakashi continues. “Or maybe it would be more accurate to say you decided to be patient and try it correctly?”</p><p>“If I’m going to learn, I’m going to learn well,” Iruka says tartly.</p><p>“That’s the spirit!”</p><p>Kakashi still seems pleased even after Iruka tells him to put the eggs away, so Iruka lets himself enjoy the good mood.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>The fried egg takes two attempts to get correct.</p><p>The soft boiled takes one.</p><p>The poached takes… a few more.</p><p>“I’m so tired,” Iruka groans as he cuts into the fourth and finds it, too, undercooked. “Do I have to keep doing this?”</p><p>Kakashi nods as he slips the undercooked egg into the frying pan. “You do.”</p><p>The fifth egg goes straight from the plate to the table with the other overcooked eggs. Iruka doesn’t say anything, and Kakashi doesn’t say anything.</p><p>When he cuts into the sixth, he starts to put it on the table out of habit, only for Kakashi to tap the back of his hand.</p><p>“What is it now?” Iruka asks.</p><p>“You did it correctly.” Kakashi pokes at the yolk. “See?”</p><p>“So I can sleep?” Iruka asks, too excited about going to bed to care about the egg. “I can go to bed now?”</p><p>Kakashi sighs. “I’m not certain you’ll remember how you did it so you can repeat the process, but yes, you cooked the egg properly, so you can go to bed.”</p><p>Feeling lighter than he’d thought he ever would again, Iruka pats Kakashi’s arm. “Thank you, Kakashi-sensei! I appreciate your patience, and now I have to ask you to leave. Please take as many eggs as you’d like.”</p><p>Kakashi doesn’t say anything until he’s slouching out the door and saying goodnight, but Iruka is confident Kakashi is happy.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>The lessons continue like that for months. If Kakashi and Team 7 are out of the village for more than a week, he comes and gets Iruka after they return and Naruto is done with him.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p>Iruka gets the point where he can cook every common type of meat to the right temperatures reliably, and he starts making lunches for Naruto on his own the night before. They’re very simple lunches, nothing exciting, but Naruto eats them happily and eagerly tells Iruka how much he likes having his food cut into shapes.</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head when Iruka presents him with a slice of eggplant cut into the shape of an apple, but when Iruka’s back is turned, Kakashi eats it, which is good enough for Iruka.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>The chūnin exams destroy everything Iruka had been building without knowing he was building it.</p><p>It starts with Iruka and Kakashi butting heads in front of a room full of their peers.</p><p>It would be more correct to say Kakashi stands there, unmoved, while Iruka slams his head into him, then into the Third, and Iruka has spent enough time apologizing for mistakes that he can recognize when he’s out of line.</p><p>Team 7 passes the pre-test, and Iruka makes his apologies.</p><p>Kakashi gives him a curious look. “You’re an odd man, Iruka-sensei. Last night, you were proudly showing me the tonkatsu you’d made, you were ready to slit my throat a couple hours ago, and now you’re standing here with your head bowed. Very mercurial.”</p><p>Iruka’s face burns. The one thing worse than a teammate who’s incapable is one who’s unreliable.</p><p>“Mercurial” is commonly used to describe children and Iruka.</p><p>That may be why he gets along with them so well. He doesn’t mind their shifting moods.</p><p>“I’m very sorry,” Iruka says again, reminding himself that he’s the one in the wrong. If he’d behaved with the self-control a shinobi should have, Kakashi wouldn’t have had a reason to call him anything. “I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that, especially in front of people. Please accept my sincerest apologies.”</p><p>Kakashi only looks at him in confusion. “You were concerned for Naruto’s well-being, as well as those of his teammates, weren’t you?”</p><p>“I was, but-”</p><p>“You chose the wrong way to say it, but I can’t really be mad that you’re protective of them.” He lifts a hand to the back of his head as if he's the one embarrassed. “I should have remembered that you wouldn’t be satisfied just hearing me say that they’re ready. That's not the type of man you are.”</p><p>This isn’t how apologies go, but if Kakashi isn’t angry, Iruka isn’t going to tell him he’s got it wrong.</p><p>“I’m glad you understand I didn't mean to be insubordinate.”</p><p>Kakashi grins at him. “And now you like me again. But perhaps mercurial is the wrong word? More like ardent, maybe?”</p><p>“Don’t push it,” Iruka says- ardent is a word plucked straight from Icha Icha and doesn't belong outside of it.</p><p>It's a reflexive warning, one he gives Kakashi most evenings when he’s trying to cook and Kakashi is poking at things around his apartment. It's hard to separate Hatake Kakashi, Konoha’s Copy Nin, from Kakashi-sensei, the friendly man who harassses Iruka about using the right size pan and jokes about his payment for teaching being free food he knows he likes.</p><p>It would be nice if Iruka could blame his outburst on that, but he would have done the same thing if Naruto had been assigned to Asuma or any other jounin.</p><p>“It’s nice to be back in your good graces, Sensei,” Kakashi replies. “You’ll owe me a home-cooked apology dinner when they all make chūnin, though.”</p><p>The fiscal blow will be offset by the money Iruka has been saving by making most of his meals.</p><p>“I’ll be sure to make it well!” he promises.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka doesn’t wind up making Kakashi dinner.</p><p>He doesn’t even see Kakashi, or Naruto, for a long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iruka had cooked for himself every night when Kakashi was teaching him. He’d had to practice, and he’d enjoyed the challenge of figuring out what he’d done wrong until he got it right- or stared at his failed dishes venomously until Kakashi popped up and explained where Iruka had gone wrong.</p><p>Nothing goes wrong when he’s cooking alone, but it always takes too long and doesn’t taste as good as it should.</p><p>Clichés are cliché for a reason, he supposes. Cooking only for himself just isn't any good.</p><p>He keeps making side dishes, which he shares and swaps with the other teachers, but he goes back to eating out like he used to.</p><p>It isn’t bad, really.</p><p>The village was invaded and nearly destroyed, the Third is dead, and Sasuke ran away to join the man who killed the Third.</p><p>Iruka doesn’t know where Naruto is, and no one will tell him.</p><p>Of everything that's happened, losing track of Naruto is the hardest to bear.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Loneliness from not having Kakashi’s company takes longer to set in, but it finds him eventually.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kotetsu and Izumo check in on him periodically.</p><p>“So,” Kotetsu says on their first visit, “not a sugar daddy, huh?"</p><p>“He’s only a few years older than I am and just looking out for Naruto, so no,” Iruka says testily. </p><p>Izumo pushes the bottle of sake toward him and says, “You can do better than that.”</p><p>“For someone who yells a lot, you're really bad at being angry,” Kotetsu adds. “You haven't been yelling at all lately, Iruka. There's so much to be angry about, but you haven't yelled once.”</p><p>“I, for one, will be yelling in twenty minutes because I’ll be upside down in a tree.” Izumo nudges the bottle again. “Kotetsu will be doing the same. If you can't yell because you’re carrying too many delicate things, you should yell because we’re about to throw them out the window for you. At least for a little while.”</p><p>“That metaphor doesn't make sense, and you've only had one sip.”</p><p>Kotetsu sighs. “Are you getting drunk and forgetting for a while, or are we going to get extra drunk on your share and make you yell at us?”</p><p>Iruka looks at the bottle and says, “I’d rather not drink tonight.”</p><p>Kotetsu and Izumo trade indecipherable looks.</p><p>“Suit yourself," Izumo says.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>As threatened, Kotetsu and Izumo are hanging upside down in a tree in twenty minutes.</p><p>Iruka is on the ground, yelling at them. Their chakra control keeps wavering, and he might not be able to catch them both if they fall.</p><p>“Just because we could fall doesn't mean we will,” Kotetsu yells back. “Have a little faith in us!”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>They don't fall, but Iruka does have to drag them back to his apartment after they hop down and start falling over themselves and onto the ground.</p><p>It's worse for him than it is for them.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You’re burning out,” Izumo tells him a couple weeks later.</p><p>Kotetsu is sleeping next to him, slouched forward with his face on his arms where they're crossed on the kotatsu. Both men look exhausted.</p><p>Iruka nods. He hasn’t been sleeping well, so he’s been working extra shifts at the Missions Desk and in the archives, as well as reworking his lesson plans. He isn’t doing anything meaningful, the state of Konoha being what it is, but it feels better than doing nothing.</p><p>“You’re burning yourself out,” Izumo rephrases. “You aren't helping anyone by overworking yourself, Iruka. This isn't your fault.”</p><p>“I know it isn't.”</p><p>“Good. That means you’re just upset because you’re feeling powerless.” Iruka looks at him sharply, and Izumo smiles weakly. “Only gods aren’t powerless, Iruka. The rest of us just have to do what we can, when we can. It's not enough, but that's all there is. After all, we're shinobi, right? We endure until die."</p><p>He looks over at Kotetsu, whose hands are freshly bandaged, palms only just beginning to heal from the mission he returned from two days ago.</p><p>Izumo isn't doing much better.</p><p>“It's tough for little guys like us, isn't it?” he asks quietly. “At least I’m not a teacher.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Iruka says wryly.</p><p>“You get the worst of it, and nobody notices," Izumo continues. "If I had to hang back while the kids I helped raise ran off to die and had to wait and see which of the bodies that come back belonged to them, I’d lose my mind. I only have to fear for Kotetsu, and that's more than enough.”</p><p>Hidden under the table, Iruka’s hands clench into fists.</p><p>“We’re supposed to be cheering him up, Izumo,” Kotetsu says quietly. He tilts his head to peer at Iruka. “Naruto will be back. That kid doesn't know how to die. Even if we stay at war for the rest of our lives, you'll die long before he does."</p><p>Izumo nods, and Iruka lets out a long breath.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Naruto isn't Iruka’s only student. He isn't even the only one prone to getting hurt.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Konohamaru isn’t eating.</p><p>Class has resumed, Iruka's students returned to him and his reworked lessons, and Iruka watches him stealthily throw his lunch away or trade it for other things. He isn’t the only one to notice, but nothing other people try seems to work.</p><p>Konohamaru doesn't improve on his own, and after weeks pass, Iruka decides he can't sit by any longer.</p><p>He tells Konohamaru to stay behind on the first day of a new week.</p><p>Everyone else goes home for the day, leaving Iruka free to speak plainly with Konohamaru.</p><p>“It isn’t enough, is it?” Iruka asks.</p><p>Konohamaru, who’s still in his usual seat at the front of the class, frowns at him. “What?”</p><p>“The Third was your grandfather. The Will of Fire doesn’t fill in the space he left.” He watches Konohamaru shrug and hunch over- a second Naruto, in a lot of ways. Energetic, troublemaking, <em> loud… </em> But Naruto doesn’t cut himself on the sharp edges of his own memories. He feels the empty spaces where people ought to be, but he doesn’t know what it’s like to wait for the return of someone who will never come back. Sasuke isn’t totally gone in Naruto’s mind, and the Third, for all his impact on Naruto, didn't mean as much to him as he does to Konohamaru. “You must miss him.”</p><p>“Of course I do."</p><p>Here is another difference- Naruto’s pain lives inside his chest, hidden from view behind his pride, while Konohamaru is only pretending not to be unhappy because that’s what he’s supposed to do.</p><p>“I miss him, too,” Iruka says. “When my parents died, he was the first person who told me I could be sad that they were gone.”</p><p>“So now you’re going to tell me that?” Konohamaru guesses. His eyes have started to tear up.</p><p>Iruka shakes his head. “No, you already know it’s okay to cry because you miss him. What you need is good food- if your parents agree.”</p><p>Konohamaru sniffs and rubs at his face, squinting at Iruka suspiciously. “I’m not hungry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to eat it to feel better. You just have to hold it. Anything you don’t want, you can take to your uncle. He’s been taking a lot of missions; he’s probably hungry but too tired to cook much.”</p><p>Asuma has been doing more than simply working hard, but Konohamaru either already knows or doesn’t need to.</p><p>Sniffling once more, Konohamaru nods. “Can I bring some home for my parents, too?”</p><p>Iruka doesn’t have to force his smile. “Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka doesn’t know Hiruzen’s children well, but they’re acquainted enough that he felt comfortable asking them to let Konohamaru go home with him.</p><p>He’s still worried he overstepped, though, so Konohamaru’s return, which comes with his parents’ thanks and a request that he not hesitate to send Konohamaru home at any point, is a relief.</p><p>“Ready?” Iruka asks.</p><p>Still unhappy, Konohamaru manages to nod.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You just have to hold the bowl,” Iruka says as he presses it into Konohamaru’s hands. The soup is warm; outside, clouds have hidden the sun. “If you want to try it, here's a spoon. If not, then you can leave it on the table.”</p><p>Konohamaru looks at him skeptically as Iruka sits down across from him, his own bowl of miso soup cradled in his hands.</p><p>“If you promise not to make a mess or open the door in the hallway, you can look around,” he adds, noticing Konohamaru’s awkward shifting. He’d been curious about his teachers’ homes when he was a child; he's sure Konohamaru is curious about his, too.</p><p>Konohamaru gives him another suspicious look but slowly slips off his chair and, after giving Iruka a long look, walks out of the kitchen.</p><p>It doesn’t take long for Iruka to hear a shout, a crash, and the warning pulse of chakra from a seal being tampered with.</p><p>Sighing, Iruka sets his bowl on the table, grabs a towel, and heads to the door he told Konohamaru not to open.</p><p>It's a silly trap, one any chūnin or well-taught genin could disarm, but it made him feel better when he first moved in to have a decoy to his bedroom.</p><p>“I did tell you not to open it,” Iruka reminds Konohamaru.</p><p>From his spot on the floor, Konohamaru looks up with a wince. “I was just curious…”</p><p>“And now you know that being curious in a ninja’s house can be dangerous. Did you get hurt?”</p><p>Konohamaru shakes his head, but Iruka hasn’t been teaching for as long as he has to trust that easily. Shinobi learn to lie about being in pain when they’re young. It’s a bad habit to pass down, but it’s one that won’t break any time soon.</p><p>Iruka lifts Konohamaru to his feet and slowly spins him around in search of blood.</p><p>“Any pain?” Iruka asks. "Headache?"</p><p>Konohamaru shakes his head.</p><p>“Are you lying?”</p><p>Konohamaru shakes his head again.</p><p>“You better not be. It’s one thing to keep working hard when it hurts, but it’s bad to push yourself when you don’t have to."</p><p>He knows the words won’t sink in; he says them anyway.</p><p>“Go pour yourself another bowl while I clean up. I’m sure you were paying attention to where I keep things.”</p><p>Iruka knows for a fact that Konohamaru wasn’t paying attention, but giving him a chance to poke through Iruka’s cabinets will take his mind off things while Iruka cleans up.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Konohamaru leaves with a container of miso soup almost as big as his head. He hasn't eaten any of it himself, but he held his second bowl until it went cold.</p><p>“Tell your parents I said hello,” Iruka tells him. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Konohamaru doesn’t eat his lunch or the onigiri Iruka gives him the next day, but he does give Iruka a thank you note from his mother and bring a box of onigiri home to his family. </p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You’re doing enough,” Izumo says over tea. He gives Iruka a long, serious look.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I know you’re worrying yourself sick about the Third’s grandson, but you can only do so much for people. If we could fix each other simply by wanting to, nobody would ever suffer.”</p><p>“I’m his teacher,” Iruka interjects. “It’s my job to worry.”</p><p>“Not this much. And don’t pretend that being the man his grandfather took under his wing as a child isn’t an added weight. You aren't failing the Third by not being able to wave away Konohamaru’s grief.”</p><p>Iruka shakes his head. “I know that.”</p><p>“Then why are you so unhappy, Iruka? This isn't about Naruto. If it isn't about Konohamaru and the Third either, what else is there?”</p><p>From the floor, Kotetsu asks, “Why do you always look like you're missing something?”</p><p>Iruka doesn't have an answer.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>A week later, Konohamaru takes a bite of dango.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>A week after that, Iruka mildly reminds him it's rude to bring home boxes that smell like food when you ate everything in them.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Two days after that, Naruto and Jiraiya return. With them come two women and a small pig, and Iruka knows from the strength of her chakra alone that one of them must be the Fifth Hokage.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Iruka-sensei!”</p><p>Iruka’s reaching under his desk for the pen he dropped when he hears Naruto’s voice. He’s been waiting for Naruto to come find him ever since he saw Naruto come home. Iruka had wanted to wait outside Hokage Tower for him, but he hadn't wanted to get in the way. He isn't the only one who's been waiting anxiously. Naruto has friends he’d want to see.</p><p>Naruto has other, bigger things to do before he finds Iruka.</p><p>It should have taken a lot longer for him to get to Iruka.</p><p>The sound of Naruto’s happy shout catches him off-guard, and Iruka slams his head on the bottom of the desk, then straightens up too fast and has to close his eyes against a wave of nausea.</p><p>Konohamaru has eaten him out of house and home, and Iruka hadn’t noticed until he went to make himself breakfast this morning and found nothing but the last of a bag of rice.</p><p>A second, quieter, “Iruka-sensei?” follows the first.</p><p>Forcing his eyes open, Iruka looks at the door to the classroom.</p><p>Naruto gives him a tentative smile, and Iruka’s chest starts to hurt.</p><p>“When did you get so tall?”</p><p>Iruka had wanted his first words to Naruto upon his return to be profound and heartfelt, but from the last time Iruka saw him, Naruto shot up.</p><p>Naruto laughs, but he looks uncomfortable. “Jiraiya said I hit a growth spurt. All my clothes fit weird now.”</p><p>Iruka is going to have to start budgeting for new clothes for Naruto when he grows between deliveries of support money.</p><p>Eyes skittering away, Naruto says, “Sorry I left without saying goodbye, Sensei. I tried to come see you, but they said I had to leave right then. They wouldn't even let me give you a note that said I was okay.”</p><p>“Of course you tried.” Iruka’s heart is pounding in his throat. “Well? Are you going to stand in the doorway all day, or are you going to come say hello properly? Did you forget all your manners when you were away?”</p><p>Naruto lights up. He rushes forward, and Iruka gladly opens his arms so he can catch Naruto and pull him in for a hug.</p><p>This isn’t the proper way to say hello either, but it’s the one Iruka wanted.</p><p>“You really did get taller,” Iruka says. They’ll be the same height sooner than later. If Naruto keeps growing like this, he’ll probably grow taller than Iruka.</p><p><em> Stay like this for a little while longer, though, okay? </em> Iruka thinks. <em> I’m not ready for you to outgrow me. </em></p><p>“Why does everybody keep saying that?” Naruto grumbles as he steps back. “I didn't grow <em> that </em> much…”</p><p>“Because it happened when we weren’t looking.” Blinking hard, Iruka smiles down at Naruto. “How long are you back for? Do you know yet?”</p><p>“How long?” Naruto frowns thoughtfully. “I guess it depends on that old lady. She said she had some stuff for us to do, but I wasn’t really listening.” Breaking into a grin, Naruto says, “I really wanted to see you and say I’m home. I guess I was kind of annoying about it because she told me to come see you before she decided to hit me.”</p><p>He rubs the back of his head, his face turning pink with embarrassment.</p><p>Iruka has to blink hard again. “I’m the one with bad manners, aren’t I? Welcome home, Naruto.”</p><p>Naruto’s smile looks like it hurts, until his face falls. “Hey, Sensei, are we gonna get ramen like usual? I saved up a lot so I could buy you some, but Jiraiya spent it all.”</p><p>About to tell Naruto not to worry about paying, Iruka freezes. “He what?”</p><p>“He took Gama-chan and made him all skinny,” Naruto says around a sigh. He pulls his frog-shaped wallet out and holds it up. The little frog is completely flat.“I worked really hard to get all that money. I wanted to pay for our ramen.”</p><p>Iruka takes a long breath in, reminds himself that Naruto is disappointed but not irreparably hurt, and says, “Well, I’m not going anywhere. Buy me something after Gama-chan gets nice and fat again.” Iruka ruffles Naruto’s hair. “Have you seen Teuchi and Ayame yet?”</p><p>“Nope! I had to stay with Tsunade and Shizune-san, but I came right here after they let me leave.” He rubs at his nose. “Hey, Sensei?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Did you miss me? You did, right?”</p><p>Iruka has a lot of work left, but he can't remember why he cares about it, gladly setting it all aside in favor of saying, “I did! Are you hungry enough to eat now?”</p><p>“I am!”</p><p>Naruto turns and skips out the door, singing to himself about getting ramen and eating with Iruka.</p><p>Iruka follows him out, pretending as he yells for Naruto to stop running ahead that he didn't see Naruto tear up when Iruka said he'd been missed.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>They’re walking to Ichiraku when Naruto stops in the middle of a story and gives Iruka a strange look.</p><p>“Hey, Iruka-sensei?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Did something happen with you and Kakashi-sensei?”</p><p>Iruka frowns. “Not that I know of. Why?”</p><p>“When I said I wanted to see you, he looked kind of sad, and you got the same look when I mentioned him just now.”</p><p>
  <em> He got more perceptive when I wasn’t looking. </em>
</p><p>Iruka lays a hand on Naruto’s shoulder. “He and I probably had the same thought- without you around, we haven’t really seen each other.”</p><p>Naruto nods to himself, apparently satisfied.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka watches Naruto finish his second bowl of ramen and trades looks with Teuchi.</p><p>“So,” Ayame says, “you brought back the First’s granddaughter, huh? What’s she like?”</p><p>Setting his bowl aside, Naruto hums thoughtfully. “I guess, if I had to pick one word to describe that old lady, I'd say she's scary.”</p><p>“Naruto!” Iruka yelps.</p><p>“What?” Naruto whines. “She’s really scary, Sensei!”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean, and you know it!”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Naruto insists on walking Iruka back to the Academy.</p><p>“I know you still have things to do,” he explains, his expression unusually guarded. “I’m really happy you let me eat with you. I kind of forgot how much you scold me; nobody else does that. It's kind of nice, though, you know?”</p><p>“Let you eat with me?” Iruka echoes. “What’s that about? We always eat together when you come home.”</p><p>“So it’s okay?” Naruto asks.</p><p>“To get ramen with me? Of course it is. What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Is it really? Even though you’re looking after Konohamaru? You wouldn’t rather be cooking?”</p><p>Iruka stops in the middle of the street.</p><p>A moment later, Naruto does the same.</p><p>“Out with it,” Iruka orders. “I know you aren’t upset that I’ve been spending time with your friend after his grandfather died. That's not the kind of person you are. So what's really going on, Naruto?”</p><p>Naruto shrugs. </p><p>“Are you sure that’s a game you want to try with me? I’ve been your teacher for a long time. I know I can be quiet for longer than you can.”</p><p>Naruto shrugs again. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I just don’t want to say it...” He looks away. “Aren’t you too busy with your actual students?”</p><p>The pieces come together, the question Naruto asked once before but slept through the answer to resurfacing, and Iruka reels Naruto into a hug with a hand on the back of his head.</p><p>“Idiot,” he says, chest tight. “You’ll always be my student. You'll always matter to me. Stop making your teacher look bad- what kind of man disavows his students because they became strong, huh?”</p><p>Iruka really wouldn't do all this for his other students, but if “teacher” is all Naruto needs, then that's all Iruka will reach for.</p><p>Naruto squeezes Iruka hard enough to hurt, and when he whispers, “Thank you,” Iruka pats his back and says, “Welcome home, Naruto.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Once Iruka has finished at the Academy and Naruto has returned home, Iruka takes a deep breath, reminds himself that this is for Naruto, and heads to the red-light district. </p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“Jiraiya-sama,” Iruka says politely. “I’d like to speak with you for a moment.”</p><p>The women on either side of Jiraiya give Iruka politely questioning looks. The red-light district sees all sorts of oddities, after all. A man unexpectedly turning up to a place like this probably doesn't mean anything to them.</p><p>Iruka’s face means something to some of the people around here, though. With all his visits to Naruto’s apartment, Iruka has unintentionally made a few friends, and to his relief, they’re all very fond of Naruto. They all look after the clueless boy who knows this part of the village isn’t for him but doesn’t understand why; Iruka has had to come pick Naruto up a few times after one of them came and told him Naruto got caught slinking around.</p><p>He doesn't even know what he's trying to peep at. He just knows there's something he isn't supposed to see and wants to see it.</p><p>Now that he's a ninja, Naruto seems to have outgrown that stubborn curiosity, but the friends Iruka made didn't forget them.</p><p>Iruka found Jiraiya as quickly as he did because those friends and their friends helped him.</p><p>Lifting his chin, Iruka steps on his unease at the idea of butting heads with a member of the Sannin. He already yelled at Kakashi in front of a room of shinobi.</p><p>He can do this much for Naruto.</p><p>Jiraiya gives Iruka a look that says he’s already forgetting his face. “Now really isn’t the time for an autograph, you know? If you could wait a bit-”</p><p>Iruka crosses his arms across his chest. “I’m not interested in your autograph. I’m here because I’d like you to return the money you took.”</p><p>“Money?”</p><p>“Money,” Iruka repeats. “What you took from Gama-chan.”</p><p>Jiraiya rolls his eyes. “That was nothing! Hardly more than small change.”</p><p>“And? It wasn’t yours, Jiraiya-sama. Even if it was only a little, it still wasn't yours. You had no right to take it.”</p><p>“Not even in exchange for the honor of being tutored by a member of the Sannin?”</p><p>“Your books must not be doing very well if you’re selling your tutelage for such small change.” Swallowing hard, Iruka draws himself up. “Will you repay what you stole?”</p><p>Jiraiya looks at him sharply. “‘Stole’ is a strong word.”</p><p>“You took something that wasn’t yours. That’s stealing. Even my youngest students understand that.”</p><p>Understanding passes over Jiraiya’s face. “I see. You must be the teacher. Naruto often talks about you.” He looks Iruka over. “Unfortunately, Sensei, I’m not one of your students.”</p><p>“So you’re refusing to acknowledge what you did?” Iruka asks. “You can afford to come here, but you can’t spare enough small change to make up for what you stole from a child?”</p><p>He locks eyes with Jiraiya, fully aware that he’s outclassed, until the door opens and a young woman comes in with a tray and a bottle of sake. She looks almost familiar, maybe someone who passes through the red-light district’s gate when Iruka is bringing Naruto home.</p><p>“Iruka-sensei?” she asks. “What are you doing here?” Her expression softens into a smile. “Did you lose a bet?”</p><p>There’s a running joke about Iruka’s standing refusal to enter the red light district. He’s gotten used to it; even fellow shinobi who prefer to follow the rules point out that his conduct is textbook upright.</p><p>Upright, boring, no fun- they all lead to the same place: Iruka has money to spend and save for Naruto.</p><p>“He isn’t really here,” Jiraiya says, taking advantage of Iruka’s silence. “It’s a small disagreement, not worth your attention.”</p><p>“I’ll be certain not to tell our mutual student you said that. You've hurt him enough, I think.” Bowing slightly, Iruka says, “If I didn't have other students to look after, I would insist that you acknowledge what happened. It's probably unfortunate for me that I do need to think of others. Naruto would be upset if he found out his teachers were fighting, and I'm not willing to make him needlessly unhappy. Thank you for your time, Jiraiya-sama. It was… illuminating.”</p><p>He turns to go, but the woman with the tray hasn’t moved.</p><p>“What happened to Naruto?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.</p><p>“Nothing,” Jiraiya says.</p><p>“Gama-chan went on a surprise trip with Naruto’s tutor and came back thinner than he was when he left,” Iruka says with a shake of his head. It's not as if she won't find out anyway.</p><p>One of the women next to Jiraiya leans forward. “Who's Gama-chan?”</p><p>“That’s what Naruto calls his wallet,” the woman with the sake says.</p><p>“Naruto? Why do I know that name...? Wait. You don't mean that boy we see sometimes on the way home? The little blond one who lives in that dump?” The second woman next to Jiraiya gives him a sharp look. “Is he the one you stole from?”</p><p>Jiraiya raises his hands. “‘Steal’ really is a bit too strong…”</p><p>“Hey, Sensei,” the woman with the sake says gently, “would you mind waiting outside in the hallway for a minute?”</p><p>Iruka blinks at her. “Um, sure?”</p><p>She smiles at him sharply. “Thank you! We’ll only need a minute.”</p><p>After Iruka steps around her and out of the room, she closes the door.</p><p>Minutes pass, and just as Iruka is considering knocking, the door swings open.</p><p>The woman who’d asked about Gama-chan holds out a bag to him.</p><p>“Please be sure to give this to Naruto,” she says, pressing it into his hands. “It should be what Jiraiya took plus interest, since Naruto had to go without while Jiraiya gathered the funds to repay his… loan.”</p><p>The bag is heavier than Gama-chan ever could have gotten. “This is-”</p><p>“For your student,” the woman says firmly.</p><p>Thrown, Iruka nods. “Of course. I- I’ll make sure he gets it. Thank you very much for your help.”</p><p>He can’t help but duck his head in thanks. He couldn’t have gotten anything from Jiraiya on his own. He hadn't thought shame would work, after all, but he'd hoped.</p><p>Severe expression softening, the woman smiles at him, warm and wide. “Don’t look so worried, Sensei. We know you’ll get it to him without delay.” She pats his hand. “Thank you for looking after him. We’re all fond of Naruto, and he’s been much happier since he came into your care.”</p><p>“I’m glad he has such good friends,” Iruka says, feeling way out of his depth.</p><p>The smile becomes a laugh, and the woman steps closer and kisses his cheek. “You really are too cute! If you ever decide to come here for your own sake, we’d take good care of you."</p><p>Iruka nods mechanically. The offer isn't salacious; if anything, the woman seems to be teasing him. "Thank you for the offer," he says awkwardly. "I’ll be sure to take you up on it if I find myself here for that purpose."</p><p>She grins at him. “Which you won’t.”</p><p>“Which I won’t,” he agrees. “Please pass along my thanks to the others.”</p><p>“So formal! Naruto wasn't joking when he said you're very polite. Unfortunately, Sensei, you should probably get back to your part of the village before anyone gets the wrong idea.”</p><p>She winks at him, and Iruka makes a hasty exit, his face burning as he slips out the nearest window and steals through the streets until he’s safe in the ninja-occupied section of Konoha.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>He's almost home when he realizes why that young woman seemed so familiar.</p><p>She's the one Naruto based that awful technique on.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi is waiting outside when Iruka reaches his apartment.</p><p>It’s the first they’ve seen of each other since the promise that blew up in Kakashi’s face.</p><p>He looks at the bag in Iruka’s hands, then up at Iruka’s face, and takes a pointed sniff. “I didn’t know you visited the red-light district,” he says slowly. “Feeling a storm of your chakra headed for that area was quite a shock, Sensei.”</p><p>“I went to retrieve something of Naruto’s,” Iruka says, shifting awkwardly. He’d finally stopped blushing on the way back, but it’s coming back now.</p><p>“Jiraiya was there, you mean, and you thought you might have a better chance of getting what you wanted if he’d been drinking and spending time with beautiful women.”</p><p>Of course Kakashi knows about Jiraiya.</p><p>“Will you come in?” Iruka asks. “I’d rather not talk out here.”</p><p>Slowly, Kakashi nods, and together, they step into Iruka’s apartment.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You really stormed into a place like that to scold a member of the Sannin.” Kakashi shakes his head. “And you got the money back because some… entertainers helped you.”</p><p>Iruka steps past him and into the kitchen, dropping the bag on the table as he goes. “I wouldn’t say I stormed in, and the women did all the hard work, really. I just carried the bag back.”</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head as he follows and takes a seat at the table. “You aren’t nearly as impulsive as you seem, are you?”</p><p>“I wonder,” Iruka says mildly. “Would you like something to drink, Kakashi-sensei?”</p><p>He’s reaching in the fridge for something for himself and doesn’t realize the silence is heavy until he turns around and sees Kakashi frowning at him.</p><p>“Something wrong?”</p><p>“You shouldn’t call me that,” Kakashi says quietly. “I’m a failed teacher.”</p><p>“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think? I wouldn’t say that in front of Naruto. He’s very aware of how much weight words like that carry, you know.”</p><p>Kakashi tilts his head as Iruka resigns himself to the fact that the only bottled drinks he has are Qoo, which Iruka only bought because Konohamaru likes them, then shakes it when Iruka gestures at him, refusing the offer of one. “Would you still call yourself a teacher if you were me, Iruka-sensei?”</p><p>“If one of my students became a rogue nin?” Iruka joins him at the table. “Did you forget that I was Sasuke’s teacher as well?”</p><p>“It isn’t the same.”</p><p>It isn't.</p><p>“I suppose it isn't. He’s still alive, though. Until that stops being true, his future isn’t set in stone.”</p><p>Kakashi blinks at him. “I thought you’d be angrier.”</p><p>“At you?”</p><p>Kakashi nods.</p><p>“Not being nominated for the exams wouldn’t have protected Sasuke. He left Konoha because he wanted to. Not everyone values their friends, Kakashi-sensei. You did what you could. You even brought Naruto back safely.”</p><p>“You’re thinking about Mizuki, aren't you?” Kakashi asks. </p><p>“He was a friend once,” Iruka says. “Or so I thought. It’s an inherent hazard in our line of work that we’ll be betrayed; I’ve known that for a long time. Naruto doesn’t know that, though. He’s going to tear himself apart trying to bring Sasuke back.”</p><p>“That does sound like him, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Iruka sighs. “He’s too stubborn, but he wouldn’t be Naruto if he weren’t.”</p><p>That earns him a chuckle from Kakashi. “That’s true. He’ll become hokage through force of will alone if he decides to.”</p><p>“Please don’t tell him that.”</p><p>“Not ready for a child hokage?” Kakashi asks lightly.</p><p>“I’m not.” Glancing at the clock, Iruka sighs. It’s getting late, and he has to be at work early tomorrow. “It was good to see you again, Kakashi-sensei.”</p><p>Kakashi nods. “I’ll see you around, Sensei.”</p><p>He gets to his feet, sinking into his usual slouch, and starts to walk away, but Iruka stops him before he reaches the door.</p><p>“Oh, Kakashi-sensei, wait a moment, please.”</p><p>Kakashi pauses and looks at Iruka over his shoulder curiously.</p><p>“Could you bring this to Naruto’s apartment?” Iruka asks. He pats the bag of money. “As a gift for Gama-chan, perhaps, if he asks.”</p><p>“You’d entrust his money to me after you went through all that to get it?” Kakashi asks. He wanders back over, though. “You’re very trusting.”</p><p>Iruka passes the bag to him, smiling easily at the weak rebuke. “It’s easy to trust good people. And I counted on the way home, which Naruto will do, too, so if you skim, I’ll know.”</p><p>Kakashi blinks at him, looking lost for words, before smiling and taking the bag with one hand. “You’re a cunning man disguised as a simple Academy graduate, aren't you, Iruka-sensei? It’s kind of frightening.”</p><p>“As a teacher at the Academy, that’s not a compliment.”</p><p>It’s a common insult. Shinobi who don’t distinguish themselves are unremarkable, worthy enough comrades but not not worth remembering.</p><p>If any of the distinguished geniuses would like to try teaching classes of twenty children armed with boredom and just enough knowledge about setting traps to endanger everyone around them, Iruka wouldn’t mind going on vacation for a week or two once the village has finished rebuilding. There’s a bathhouse near the Land of Tea he’s wanted to visit for a while.</p><p>He’d probably even get to stay for the whole vacation. It shouldn’t take jounin long to learn that the Academy isn’t meant to teach pre-genin to excel. It’s meant to teach them fundamentals. The jounin they’re assigned to are supposed to make them shine.</p><p>A team of three is much easier to work with than a cacophony of twenty.</p><p>“It’s useful camouflage, though, isn’t it?” Kakashi asks. “Being underestimated?”</p><p>“It can be,” Iruka allows. “Also useful is having time to cook.”</p><p>“Iruka-sensei, that wasn’t even close to subtle.”</p><p>“That’s good; it wasn’t meant to be.” Gesturing at Kakashi’s face, Iruka says, “You haven’t been eating enough. Now that the Fifth is here, your mission load should even out, so I’ll be expecting you to resume the lessons you owe me. Naruto will be coming around as well, and I’d like to be able to make him things that taste good.”</p><p>Kakashi cocks his head. “You’re very pushy.”</p><p>“Is that a refusal?”</p><p>“No, I suppose it’s not. I guess I’ll take my leave- unless you’ve got something else to say?”</p><p>Iruka shakes his head. “That was all.”</p><p>“Then I’ll be going.” Kakashi gives him a lazy salute. “See you around, Sensei.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Konohamaru cleaned his plate and left with a box of extra for his family. Naruto came and left, his belly full with the third of what he’s decided will be nightly dinners.</p><p>After a long day, Iruka is finally able to put his feet up.</p><p>Kakashi knocks on the door.</p><p>“Come in,” Iruka calls. The idea of having to stand up again so soon is unbearable.</p><p>He hears the door open and shut, followed by the sound of Kakashi taking off his sandals and the soft tap of bare feet on hard floor as Kakashi pads into the kitchen.</p><p>“Ah,” Kakashi complains mildly, “you started without me.”</p><p>Iruka’s face heats. “You didn’t tell me you’d be coming tonight.”</p><p>“I saw your first two visitors and figured you might need some help cleaning up after they left.” He peers at the sink. “You haven’t even started the dishes.”</p><p>“I decided to wait until I finished eating,” Iruka explains.</p><p>Kakashi looks at Iruka’s empty plate pointedly. “From the looks of it, you’re already there.”</p><p>“So I am.” Iruka doesn’t move. His feet, propped up on the second kitchen chair, refuse to let him get up.</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head, but he seems amused. “You look tired. I’ll wash them for you.”</p><p>“The deal was you come and eat. I’m not letting you work when you’re here.”</p><p>“I like working, though. But I’ll make you a deal- let me help clean, and in exchange, I’ll take home some extra food.”</p><p>“Eat it here and you’ll have a deal.” Iruka ignores Kakashi’s innocent look. “You’d just share it with your ninken. I know how picky you are.”</p><p>Kakashi hums, his expression suddenly bland. “Here it is, huh? The mortifying ordeal of being known. And I don't even know if I’ll get the rewards of submitting to it.”</p><p>“You don’t eat anything sweet or fried and barely eat anything spicer than ginger,” Iruka reminds him. “If you want to eat something you like, then you do have to let people know. What's so mortifying about that? You know what I don't like.”</p><p>Strangely, Kakashi chuckles. “Nothing, really. I was just remembering something I read once.”</p><p>“That’s more poetic than I remember Icha Icha being.”</p><p>“I do read other things,” Kakashi points out as he turns the water on. “You might even approve of some of them.”</p><p>“Only some?”</p><p>“A quarter of them, probably.” He gives Iruka a long, assessing look. “Well, probably closer to a fifth.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi sits on the table while he eats, his mask pulled down to his chin. Iruka would complain, but his feet are finally feeling like parts of a human. He can't be bothered to be unhappy.</p><p>“How is it?” Iruka asks. “Have I progressed sufficiently?”</p><p>He’s mostly joking, but not entirely. Kakashi is someone he would like to impress.</p><p>Chewing thoughtfully, Kakashi looks up at the ceiling. “It’s good,” he says. “I can see why Naruto and Konohamaru like it so much.”</p><p>“But you don’t.”</p><p>“It’s not so much that I don’t. It’s more like… You were right earlier. I’m not good with spicy things.”</p><p>Kakashi blinks a few times, and Iruka realizes the thoughtful expression isn’t thoughtful- it’s Kakashi willing himself not to show that his mouth is burning.</p><p>“You should have said something,” Iruka scolds, hopping up and pouring a glass of milk. “I didn’t know you’d be eating it or I would have made it milder.”</p><p>He pushes the milk at Kakashi, who takes the cup and drinks without argument.</p><p>When he finishes, Iruka takes the cup and refills it.</p><p>He does that two more times.</p><p>“I’ve got some leftover dumplings from yesterday,” he says when Kakashi finally sets the cup down, mostly empty. “They’re for my neighbor, who doesn’t like spicy food at all.”</p><p>He fetches them and sets them up to warm while he takes over the dishes.</p><p>“That’s my job,” Kakashi protests.</p><p>“Too bad. I got up, so I may as well finish washing. If you want to help, you can dry. You know where the towels are.”</p><p>Kakashi gets up and grabs a towel, and they finish the dishes in companionable silence.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi eats four dumplings in Iruka’s kitchen and takes the remaining ones home.</p><p>“These are very good,” he says, holding the little container close. “A little tweak in the seasoning would make them perfect.”</p><p>“So we really will resume the lessons?” Iruka asks. “We didn’t get to seasoning more sophisticated than salt. We didn’t do plating either.”</p><p>Plating was never part of the agreement, but seasoning seems like it won't take long at all.</p><p>It hadn't occurred to Iruka before, but after the lessons finish, Kakashi won't have a reason to come around as often. Maybe a dinner here or there, but he won’t stay like he has been.</p><p>Kakashi inclines his head. “Those are glaring omissions in your tutelage. You’re right to hold me accountable.”</p><p>“Is that an actual yes or a no masquerading as one?”</p><p>“It’s an actual yes. I’ll bring some things with me next time, as well as a list of ingredients for you to buy.”</p><p>He smiles, and Iruka’s heart twists.</p><p>“Don’t let the kids linger too long, Iruka,” he advises. “You’ll be working hard; if you want to sleep, you’ll need to start early.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t until Iruka lies down, excited about the prospect of not being awake for a while, that he realizes Kakashi only used his given name.</p><p>His heart twists again, ready to commit to complicating Iruka’s life the worst way.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“Good evening, Kakashi,” Iruka says as Kakashi joins him in the kitchen. It’s been two weeks since Kakashi was here last, and Iruka had begun to wonder if Kakashi hadn’t said no after all.</p><p>Ducking his head, Kakashi offers Iruka a smile and an easy, “Sorry about that. There was a broken ladder in my way so I had to take a longer route.”</p><p>He doesn’t acknowledge Iruka’s pointed use of his given name. Iruka isn’t sure what to make of that, so he shrugs it off. Kakashi's an eccentric and not the most formal of people. He probably just decided he was bored.</p><p>“Well, you’re here now. Are you eating or teaching?”</p><p>Kakashi holds up a bag proudly. “If you do well, I can do both.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think?” Iruka asks as he presents his first attempt at the blend Kakashi gave him to recreate.</p><p>Why he decided to jump in with both feet and test Iruka’s palate at the same time is a mystery Iruka doesn't bother trying to solve.</p><p>Dipping a finger in, Kakashi tries it. “It’s too light on the orange peel. Try again.”</p><p>“Too light on the orange for everyone or too light on the orange for you?”</p><p>Kakashi smiles. “So, you figured out that I was teaching you according to my taste. Cooking for other people will do that, I suppose, and those boys must have told you everything they thought tasted strange. The days of having my own personal chef are over.” He feigns a put-upon sigh. “This does need more orange for everyone. If you wanted to balance it for my palate, you would also use less chili and pepper.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Using less of the spices makes balancing the taste more difficult, but the reward of surprising Kakashi with the milder seasoning is worth the effort.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>By his seventh attempt, Iruka has far too much shichimi togarashi.</p><p>“You could have started from scratch each time and only mixed a little. You know that, right?” Kakashi asks.</p><p>“I thought I’d only need to tweak it,” Iruka says with a sigh. Rallying, he continues, “Naruto and Konohamaru can always make it spicier if they want to. Konohamaru’s parents and Asuma shouldn’t have any difficulty either.”</p><p>“Just them?”</p><p>“Well, I could use it, too, but I wrote down the proportion I liked best.”</p><p>“Aren’t you forgetting someone?” Kakashi quirks his brow at Iruka. “I’ll use it as it is, Iruka.”</p><p>Iruka shakes the container. “This much?”</p><p>“Then I’ll have to ask you to cook for me a lot. Would that work?”</p><p>That was already Iruka’s plan, but it’s one thing to say it and another thing entirely to hear Kakashi ask him to cook.</p><p>Iruka swallows. “I can use seasoning from the store for the others. It would be easier to save this for you.”</p><p>It would be nice if Iruka could see the entirety of Kakashi’s face, but he can see the mask shift in time with Kakashi’s eye closing, Kakashi’s cheek lifting as he smiles.</p><p>When he looks at Iruka again, Kakashi’s still smiling. “I look forward to it!”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi is drinking the tea Iruka made while cooking when there’s a knock on the door.</p><p>“Could you get that please?” Iruka asks, twisting to look back at the table where Kakashi is sitting. “I’m up to my elbows in dishes.”</p><p>“It’s Asuma,” Kakashi says curiously.</p><p>“Ah, that's right. He said he’d be dropping by this week.” Jerking his head toward the door, Iruka asks, “Will you let him in, or am I going to make a mess?”</p><p>“I hate to move so soon after a good meal, but I suppose I can get it. Am I making him put out his cigarette?”</p><p>“No, he won’t be staying for long, and the window’s open.”</p><p>Iruka turns back to the dishes as Kakashi drags himself to the door.</p><p>Kakashi and Asuma trade greetings and a few pointed questions about why the other one is in Iruka’s apartment- food and family, respectively- before Asuma comes into the kitchen.</p><p>From the sound of his footsteps, Kakashi heads for the futon.</p><p>“Good evening, Asuma-san,” Iruka says. He looks up from scrubbing a pot long enough to meet Asuma’s eyes. “Are you here about Konohamaru?”</p><p>Asuma nods. “He’s well eating again. His parents are relieved, as am I.”</p><p>“Well, my students’ health is my responsibility. Cooking for him wasn’t a hardship.”</p><p>“After bodily blocking a fūma shuriken, what is?” Kakashi drawls from the other room.</p><p>Asuma coughs. “About that…”</p><p>“Konohamaru comes here just to see Naruto now,” Iruka says. He's been waiting for this talk for a while now; he's surprised it took this long. “I know his parents have been thinking about taking him on a vacation. I can give them the assignments Konohamaru will miss if they let me know how long they’ll be gone.”</p><p>“You already knew, huh?” Asuma asks. “You know about the rest, then.”</p><p>“I don’t mean to be indelicate, but your nephew did tell me his parents were being, ah, pushy about not being home as much as he should.” Asuma laughs, and Iruka sighs, relieved not to have stepped on any toes. “The habit of coming here will break if they take him away for a week or two. Naruto spends plenty of time around the village. Konohamaru won't be bereft of him.”</p><p>Asuma nods, but Iruka can feel him frowning.</p><p>“Is there something else, Asuma-san?”</p><p>“Not really. It’s just… We don’t want you to feel like we’re rejecting you.”</p><p>
  <em> Of course. The Third’s children really don’t know me; it makes sense that they would worry. </em>
</p><p>Taking his arms from the water, Iruka grabs a towel and dries them off.</p><p>“Your father was very kind to me,” he says slowly as he turns to face Asuma. “I was able to become a teacher because of his support. I’ll always hold him in esteem for his kindness to me, but that's all.” Setting the towel aside, Iruka lets himself smile. “Konohamaru is a good kid. You and his parents should be proud. So please don’t misunderstand me when I say that I’ve spent the last few weeks desperately wishing his family would take him back. Between him and Naruto, my cabinets are about to break. Cabinets are very expensive, Asuma-san. I’m a teacher. I can’t just buy new ones.”</p><p>Asuma looks at him for a long moment before letting out a bark of laughter.</p><p>“Kurenai told everyone you were just stepping in because you're his teacher. Maybe next time they'll listen.” He pats Iruka’s shoulder with a heavy hand. “Konohamaru passed along the extras you gave him. The Sarutobi family won't forget your kindness, Sensei.”</p><p>“I look after the people in my care, Asuma-san, but thank you.”</p><p>Asuma gives him a crooked smile. “That’s all I came to tell you, Iruka-sensei. I’ll get out of your hair.”</p><p>“Before you go,” Iruka says quickly, reaching for the box he tucked away in the cabinet with the pans,”one last box- a thank you for taking Konohamaru back, if you like.”</p><p>“I’m glad Konohamaru got you instead of one of the others,” Asuma says slowly. His expression makes the joke land without humor.</p><p>“Take care, Asuma-san,” Iruka tells him. “It was good to see you.”</p><p>Asuma nods and turns away. “Later, Sensei.” Raising his voice, he calls, “I’ll see you at the meeting later, right, Kakashi?” </p><p>“Of course, of course,” comes Kakashi’s reply. “Try not to be so obvious about those ‘smoke breaks’ with Kurenai.”</p><p>“Food isn’t the only thing we can starve for if we don’t get, Kakashi. Laugh if you like, but with Kurenai, I haven’t gone hungry for a long time. You’re looking a bit gaunt, though.”</p><p>“You sound like Guy.”</p><p>“Just because he speaks too loudly doesn’t make him wrong- as you well know.”</p><p>Asuma leaves after that, quietly slipping out the door.</p><p>Iruka resumes washing the dishes.</p><p>He’s running out of space on the drying rack when Kakashi returns and picks up a dry cloth, silently taking the biggest and most unwieldy pots and pans and drying them.</p><p>It’s nice. Kakashi is a thoughtful guest. He pretends not to be, but Iruka’s apartment is never messy when he leaves. Even if Iruka is willing to let things go for the night, Kakashi never is.</p><p>Doing dishes together is a small, silly thing to make Iruka’s heart beat too fast, but Kakashi has been making a point of standing next to him and helping.</p><p>Iruka’s parents used to do things like this. If they were home at the same time, they would wash dishes and clean the house together. They’d go for walks with him, each of them holding one of his hands until he thought he was too old for it. His mother would lean into his father when she was tired, and his father would lean into her when he was tired. They did so many things together, quietly working in each other’s space.</p><p>Iruka’s always wanted that. Naruto’s increased importance in his life has only made him want it more.</p><p>Kakashi would be nice to lean on.</p><p>If he wanted to lean on Iruka, that would be nice, too.</p><p>The thought keeps Iruka’s mind occupied until Kakashi clears his throat.</p><p>“He doesn’t look like it,” Kakashi says slowly, “but Asuma is a pot stirrer. You shouldn’t pay any attention to him.”</p><p>“He did call you gaunt, so I suppose his judgment isn’t entirely trustworthy,” Iruka allows. He stealthily looks over at Kakashi as he adds, “You seem healthy to me.”</p><p>“Exactly.” Kakashi’s expression doesn’t change.</p><p>“Still, it’s better to be safe than sorry, right? Keep coming over and eating with me. I don’t want you to go hungry.”</p><p>The pan he’s working on has something baked on, and Iruka leans into scrubbing it and doesn’t look over until the metal is smooth and clean.</p><p>When he does look over, Kakashi smiles at him. “I’ll be in your care, then.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka is exhausted. He got hit with shuriken by no fewer than five students. He could have dodged most of them, but he’d been working with other students and couldn’t risk them getting hurt.</p><p>Or upsetting the others.</p><p>Some of this class have great promise but too much fear to realize it. They really are too young to be in class, but Konoha is at war. Everyone has to help, even children.</p><p>Even the ones who shouldn’t be anywhere near weapons.</p><p>Iruka can only hope that by letting himself get hurt instead of dodging every stray weapon, his students are learning that pain isn’t the end of all things. Getting hit won’t always kill you, and protecting the people around you is worth suffering.</p><p>Avoiding attacks is best, but when that’s impossible or too risky, they need to learn to stand their ground and minimize the damage.</p><p>A shuriken that could have hit Iruka’s throat or one of the thrower’s classmates instead landed in Iruka’s forearm, which he was able to heal with chakra.</p><p>He needed to do that more often than he’s used to doing today. Everyone had been distracted and sloppy; when he told them it was time to go in, no one protested.</p><p>It’s a wonder he’s the only one who got hurt.</p><p>Letting out a long breath, Iruka opens the door to his apartment.</p><p>Kakashi is in Iruka’s kitchen, already cooking.</p><p>Iruka’s heart sinks. This morning, he’d hoped Kakashi would come over, but he’s too tired to do anything that requires that much standing. “I’m sorry, Kakashi-sensei,” he says wearily. “I don’t think I’m up to a lesson today.”</p><p>“Then it’s good that I’m here just to cook, isn’t it?” Kakashi asks over his shoulder. “One of the other teachers got so concerned about your weakening chakra, she sent for a medical-nin. I was with the Fifth when she got the request. How are you feeling?”</p><p>“I’m fine, just tired.” Iruka steps out of his sandals and into slippers. Kakashi’s are already waiting neatly by the door. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to change.”</p><p>“Go ahead,” Kakashi says, turning back to the stove and waving Iruka on. “Dinner won’t be ready for a while, anyway.”</p><p>Relieved, Iruka heads to his bedroom.</p><p>His shirt isn’t ruined, but he throws it out anyway. He could get the blood out and sew it; the repairs would be obvious but not terrible. If he were an active duty ninja, he’d keep it. He works with children, though, and seeing their teacher in clothes he had to repair because of them wouldn’t help anyone.</p><p>His pants are another matter. They might be salvageable; most of the rips are vertical and near seams. He could do something like tailoring. The tighter fit would make them unsuitable for teaching, but he could keep them for emergencies.</p><p>Rather than decide now whether the effort is worth it, he grabs clean clothes and walks to the bathroom.</p><p>He cleaned up a bit at the Academy, but here, he can be more thorough.</p><p>Tossing the pants he may or may not be able to repair into the laundry basket, he examines his boxers, which are miraculously intact and free of blood. Buoyed by that simple discovery, he turns the water on to warm up, takes out a washcloth, and fetches the mild soap he keeps for times like this.</p><p>He hadn’t let the medical-nin Suzume called work on him. There are other, more pressing injuries to attend to, and he’s fully capable of healing wounds from shuriken thrown by nervous children.</p><p>Most were grazes anyway.</p><p>There are a lot of them, though. Those five students were the ones who have the most trouble with aiming, and he’d been hit at least once every time one of them stepped up.</p><p>He’s just about done cleaning his legs when there’s a light knock on the door.</p><p>“It’s open,” Iruka says out of habit. Naruto is used to watching him patch himself up. He doesn’t even get angry when he sees Iruja washing off his own blood. </p><p>Kakashi isn’t Naruto.</p><p>He peeks around the door, looking ready to say something, only to stop and blink at Iruka.</p><p>Who blinks at him as he realizes this isn’t Naruto.</p><p>“Sorry, Kakashi,” Iruka apologizes. “I’m so used to Naruto knocking, I replied without thinking.”</p><p>He has to look down as he dries the last wound on his thigh dry and smoothes a bandage over his broken skin.</p><p>It's going to hurt when he has to take it off later- he’s learned to spring for the expensive ones that stick to him even through nightmares, but no matter how tactical he is, removing them means ripping hair off, too.</p><p>Kakashi keeps staring at him silently, and Iruka feels himself shifting nervously.</p><p>“Is something wrong?”</p><p>Immediately, Kakashi shakes his head. “No, I was just… just letting you know the food’s ready.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Iruka says, the promise of warm food lifting his mood now that he‘s closer to clean. “I’ll be out in a bit.”</p><p>Kakashi nods and leaves.</p><p>Iruka turns his attention back to his body. There are fewer cuts on his arms, but they’re deeper.</p><p>“Ikkaku isn’t holding back so much now,” Iruka tells himself as he uses a bit more chakra to heal a particularly deep cut. “That’s good, isn’t it?”</p><p>He heals the wounds on his arms completely. He’s home and won’t be getting any more today, so he doesn’t have to be as mindful of his chakra level.</p><p>Feeling better, he takes off his miraculously unharmed underwear, tugs his fresh clothes on, and joins Kakashi in the kitchen.</p><p>Kakashi is already sitting, the food served appropriately. He looks up from his book and sets it aside as Iruka comes over.</p><p>The cover is light blue with a simple title and author in black- definitely not Icha Icha.</p><p>“Welcome home,” he says, nudging the bowl of rice pointedly.</p><p>Iruka lets him be pointed.</p><p>“It’s good to be home.”</p><p>They eat quietly for a while, Kakashi picking at the food and Iruka not doing much better. He knows he’s hungry. He’s just too tired to eat.</p><p>He expects Kakashi to comment on it, and he does, in a way.</p><p>Setting his bowl aside, Kakashi says. “Naruto once told me that he was surprised that I don’t have as many scars as he’d thought I would. That seemed odd, because in my experience, I tend to have more than most shinobi, so I asked him why he thought that.”</p><p>
  <em> Ah. </em>
</p><p>Iruka sighs. “I tried to explain to him that I’m not a good barometer for what shinobi look like.”</p><p>“He told me that, too.” Leaning back, Kakashi folds his arms across his chest. “How does an Academy teacher come to have so many scars?”</p><p>“By not being very fast or good at taijutsu.” Iruka scratches his cheek, embarrassed. “Most of the time, I can avoid what they throw at me, but sometimes I can’t. Other times, it’s a useful teaching moment.”</p><p>Kakashi’s forehead furrows, so Iruka elaborates, “They’re going to see their friends get hurt. It’s better for everyone if they see me get hurt first. They’ll see that getting hurt doesn’t mean someone’s dead. I can show them the difference between a superficial wound and a serious wound, and I won’t have to do it to myself. In a way, it’s helpful.”</p><p>“You mean you let them hit you.”</p><p>“Sometimes. Mostly, I just don’t have as much awareness of things flying at me and can’t get out of the way fast enough by the time I do sense them. It’s better to see their teacher endure pain than try and fail to avoid a pre-genin’s stray shuriken, you know?”</p><p>It really is uncomfortable to acknowledge the gap in their abilities. Kakashi is one of the strongest shinobi in Konoha and across the ninja world. Iruka is a competent ninja, but he’s either intentionally dulled or never had most of the instincts shinobi rely on. The two of them inhabit very different worlds.</p><p>The number of scars Iruka has are an account of the amount of attacks he’s let slip through rather than a testament to the strength of the opponents he’s overcome.</p><p>Kakashi regards him with his sole visible eye. “You’re an admirable man, Iruka.”</p><p>“I’m- Huh?”</p><p>“You’re admirable,” Kakashi repeats. “It’s one thing to intercept an attack when you’re in a fight. Adrenaline and loyalty can make you reprioritize pain. You choose to bear it every day.” He taps Iruka’s bowl with the clean end of his chopsticks. “You should eat more. Your students won’t benefit if you pass out.”</p><p>Without thinking, Iruka mirrors him, flipping his chopsticks and tapping the lip of Kakashi’s bowl. “You, too.”</p><p>Kakashi smiles, and they both eat more than they had before.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Iruka finds a note on his refrigerator door that says, <em> Buy more fish. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ⁂ </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Iruka buys more fish.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi leaves on a mission before Iruka can cook any of them for him.</p><p>With only Naruto, who's been moving into Iruka’s “spare room” without seeming to realize it, to keep him company, Iruka winds up spending more of his free time with Kotetsu and Izumo.</p><p>All it takes is for Kotetsu to lean in one afternoon after school and tell him, “We’ve got a coupon for a third free appetizers and half off a third main meal if we buy two full price,” for Iruka to feel a rush of excitement.</p><p>The whirlwinds of Naruto and Konohamaru have kept him busy but with children; Iruka's missed having company his own age.</p><p>“Those snacks you showed me how to make are a lifesaver,” Izumo says as they settle in at a small table. “They actually keep that brother duo with the monstrous strength happy for a while so they don't wreck the prison, and they're easy to sneak into this guy’s pockets.”</p><p>“I forgot <em> one time, </em> Izumo,” Kotetsu grumbles.</p><p>“And they'd only have to kill you<em> one time, </em> Kotetsu. That would be sufficient.”</p><p>“Probably, yeah.”</p><p>Izumo twitches. “What do you mean, ‘probably’?”</p><p>Iruka bites his cheek and shakes his head. Kotetsu and Izumo’s relationship really is the worst-kept open secret in Konoha- largely, Iruka suspects, because they can't be bothered to pretend they aren't together beyond saying “we aren't together”.</p><p>“So,” Iruka begins without picking up a menu, “do you guys know what you like here? I'm fond of the futomaki, but I can pick something else.”</p><p>Kotetsu throws him an odd look.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing, really. I guess I thought you'd forget what places like this serve since you and your boyfriend stay in and eat so often.”</p><p>Izumo kicks Kotetsu under the table.</p><p>Iruka looks between them. “My boyfriend? You don't mean-”</p><p>“Kakashi, yeah,” Kotetsu says.</p><p>Izumo kicks him again.</p><p>Iruka blinks. He knows his face is turning red because he can feel himself blushing. “He taught me how to cook for Naruto, and we became friends. That's all.”</p><p>“So that's why he's always swinging by your apartment at weird hours. See, Izumo?” Kotetsu grins. “Iruka’s fine!”</p><p>“That was the worst way to answer that question,” Izumo hisses.</p><p>“You guys were worried about me?” Iruka asks. “Why?”</p><p>“Jounin don't tend to follow chūnin around unless there's something else happening,” Kotetsu explains. “You're the type to keep your problems to yourself, and if Hatake Kakashi is getting involved, that's a bad sign. But if he's just your friend, then everything’s good!”</p><p>A server comes over while Iruka is still blinking at them, so Kotetsu and Izumo order for all of them.</p><p>“I only ordered water for us because Kotetsu brought drinks from home,” Izumo tells him as the server walks away. “Do you want alcohol or plain seltzer?”</p><p>“Alcohol,” Iruka says faintly. “Definitely alcohol.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Izumo is giving Kotetsu an involuntary piggyback ride when they reach the point where their paths home go in different directions.</p><p>“Have a good night,” Iruka says. He’s at the sweet spot between sober and drunk where everything feels nice- a little uneven, maybe, and a lot unsteady if he moves too quickly, but still. Nice.</p><p>“Thanks for coming out with us,” Izumo says cheerfully. He, too, was judicious with Kotetsu’s supply of smuggled alcohol.</p><p>Kotetsu himself, who drank like he was making up for them and almost got them kicked out, makes a vaguely agreeable noise, his earlier protests at being carried nowhere to be found. He slurs something afterwards, but Izumo sighs.</p><p>“He always tries to talk when he's had too much,” he complains. “He stinks like alcohol, too, because he's got no sense of moderation. What a pain in the ass.”</p><p>As if sensing Izumo’s grumbling is directed at him, Kotetsu wriggles closer.</p><p>He mumbles something else, and Izumo sighs.</p><p>“If you can tell that I’m talking about you, you should be able to hear that I’m criticizing you.”</p><p>Kotetsu hums.</p><p>“You're a good friend,” Iruka tells Izumo. Izumo will know he means more than friend.</p><p>“It's easy to look after someone you like.” Izumo gives Iruka a long, assessing look. “I didn't even realize how much we liked each other until I got hurt on a mission and he got so frantic he almost got himself killed. It was pretty horrible, to tell you the truth. But I got him from it, didn't I?”</p><p>He taps Kotetsu’s thigh with his thumb.</p><p>“What I’m saying, Iruka, is that I’m full. Good food, good company… It's a good way to live.”</p><p>Blood rushes in Iruka’s ears. “Why are you telling me this?”</p><p>“Because right now, your belly’s full, but the rest of you is hungry. You can't be full if you never reach for anything.”</p><p>“I don't think I could understand this metaphor even if I hadn't been drinking,” Iruka says.</p><p>“You'll figure it out when you're ready to. Until then, Kotetsu and I are going home. Right, Kotetsu?”</p><p>Kotetsu makes a sad noise noise Iruka chooses to interpret as “goodbye” as Izumo steps forward, leaving Iruka to stand under the streetlamp and wonder how much longer he's going to have to wait for Kakashi to come home.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Nine days.</p><p>He has to wait nine days.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka is trying to make sense of the answers one of his students left on today’s pop quiz when Naruto comes in.</p><p>“We had to carry Kakashi-sensei home,” he announces, flopping down on the pillow next to Iruka’s. “Sakura found him by accident. He was sleeping in a cave after using his Sharingan too much, so we brought him back with us. We probably didn't have to carry him the whole way, but Sakura was annoyed with him so he wasn't allowed to walk on his own.”</p><p>“And by ‘we had to carry’ him, you mean Sakura, don't you?” Iruka guesses.</p><p>“I helped!”</p><p>He definitely didn't, if only because Sakura wouldn't let him, but Iruka sets the quiz aside and pulls Naruto into a hug anyway. It's getting harder to wrap Naruto up in his arms; he won't stop growing. Iruka’s never been shy of challenges, though. He’ll greet Naruto like this every time he comes home.</p><p>“So, Naruto,” he asks as he pulls back, “are we going to Ichiraku now or later?”</p><p>“Now! I've been waiting for so long, Sensei! I'm going to eat at least three bowls!”</p><p>“Okay, but I'm only paying for one.”</p><p>“Nah,” Naruto says brightly. “You say that, but you always pay for all of them. That's why I'm so strong now.”</p><p>He grins, bright and happy, and Iruka has to bite his tongue as he realizes Naruto is suddenly a lot closer to being the man Iruka saw in him than Iruka realized.</p><p>“Aren't you taking your teacher’s generosity for granted?” Iruka asks, struggling to keep his voice steady.</p><p>Naruto only smiles harder.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Naruto has just finished his second bowl and is leaning into Iruka when he says, “Hey, Iruka-sensei? Do you think Kakashi-sensei is like me?”</p><p>“In what way?”</p><p>“He isn't married and doesn't have any family, so he probably lives alone, right? If he gets sick, there's nobody to look after him.” Naruto shrugs. “Except I've got you now, so when I get sick, I just come over and you take care of me.”</p><p>He does, and Iruka’s once-tidy apartment will never recover.</p><p>He seems more than casually curious, so Iruka doesn't brush him off with a vague reassurance that Kakashi will be fine.</p><p>“I don't know what he does, Naruto. Why? Are you worried about something?”</p><p>“He kept coughing on the way back, and his voice was all scratchy. Sakura couldn't heal him because he isn't hurt. She said it's just a cold and not to worry.”</p><p>“But you're worrying,” Iruka fills in. “Tell you what. I'll check in on him tomorrow. Does that sound good?”</p><p>Naruto’s mood returns to its usual bouncy state so quickly, Iruka almost misses him ordering a third bowl.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka’s parents hadn't gotten sick often. He has a hazy memory of his father making tea for his mother once and helping her sit up and drink it. Closer to their deaths, he remembers his father coughing so hard he couldn’t sleep and his mother staying up all night to keep watch.</p><p>When Iruka got sick, fussed over him together, bringing him drinks and sitting next to him until he felt better.</p><p>Taking care of himself after they died had been more difficult than it should have been simply because he hadn't wanted to learn.</p><p>As an adult, Iruka is capable of looking after himself. It's lonely, but he can do it.</p><p>He knows Kakashi’s parents have been dead for even longer than Iruka’s.</p><p>He also knows Kakashi gets lonely. If he didn't, he wouldn't spend so much time lounging in Iruka’s apartment.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka shows up at Kakashi’s apartment unannounced. It's poor manners, but he suspects Kakashi might try to wiggle out of Iruka checking on him if he had advanced warning.</p><p>The door to Kakashi’s apartment looks like any other.</p><p>Iruka’s heart beats too fast as he knocks.</p><p>It only beats faster as he waits.</p><p>He hears uneven footsteps, so he stays where he is, pretending his heart isn't racing,</p><p>Eventually, Kakashi opens the door and squints at Iruka. He's wearing a particle mask instead of his usual shinobi-issue one.</p><p>“I brought okayu,” Iruka says, holding up his bag. “Naruto said you sounded sick.”</p><p>Kakashi looks sick, too. His hair is flattened on one side, and the eye Iruka can see is red and watery.</p><p>When he speaks, his voice is thick.</p><p>“Is this a sneak attack, Iruka?”</p><p>“A little.”</p><p>Kakashi coughs, and the sound makes Iruka's own throat ache.</p><p>“Have you been drinking?” Iruka asks. Kakashi coughs again and looks away. “If you let me in, you can have the porridge and I’ll make you tea.”</p><p>Nodding slightly, Kakashi says, “Come in.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>As he'd claimed, kakashi does live modestly, almost ascetically. There are some plants, though, all lively shades of green.</p><p>He leads Iruka to the kitchen before he drops into a chair, his breath coming too fast for such a short walk.</p><p>Iruka busies himself finding all the things Kakashi is too exhausted to help him locate.</p><p>The tea is working as Iruka turns around to start dishing out the okayu.</p><p>Kakashi doesn't look remotely embarrassed about being caught eating directly from the bowl. He doesn't even stop eating. He just takes a slow bite and closes his eye.</p><p>“How is it?” Iruka asks. </p><p>“Good,” Kakashi rasps. “Probably.”</p><p>He already ate the fish, Iruka notices.</p><p>“Take it and go sit somewhere comfortable. I'll bring your tea to you when it's ready.”</p><p>Kakashi looks between Iruka and the doorway, eye slowly moving between them, before he gets up. He holds the bowl to his chest as he coughs.</p><p>The sound makes Iruka wince.</p><p>Kakashi keeps coughing as he settles in, and Iruka winces every time. It’s only a cold, but it sounds like he's drowning in his own lungs.</p><p>Kakashi stop coughing for a while, his breathing shallow but even, and Iruka sighs in relief.</p><p>A moment later, Kakashi coughs so hard he chokes.</p><p>Iruka gives up waiting in the kitchen. The tea can cool down in the other room with Kakashi as easily as it can here. Iruka would rather be out there where he can see what's happening.</p><p>He offers the cup to Kakashi but pulls it back when Kakashi touches the cup and winces. Kakashi tries to take it anyway, and Iruka does the same thing he does when his students get antsy.</p><p>He sets the tea on the floor and sits down in front of it, blocking it from view. If Kakashi wants it, he's going to have to earn it.</p><p>“Too hot,” Iruka says. “If you can't even hold it, it's too hot for you to drink it.”</p><p>Kakashi groans, which turns into a cough. “Mine,” he says plaintively, gesturing weakly at the cup.</p><p>“Yes, yours- when you can hold it without flinching.”</p><p>Kakashi reaches for the cup.</p><p>Iruka gently pushes his hand away.</p><p>Kakashi reaches again.</p><p>Iruka pushes him away again.</p><p>“Your eyes are tearing up,” Iruka tells him, looking over Kakashi’s wet face. He's used to this from the Academy; his students frequently get overwhelmed and, despite not wanting to cry or even feeling sad, find tears rolling down their faces. They don't have the words to explain what's happening. Iruka isn't sure there are any. He doesn't need to know. His students don't need words for what they're experiencing. They need to be cleaned up and told they did well.</p><p>The remedy for Kakashi is the same.</p><p>“Close your eyes,” Iruka orders gently. “I'll give you your tea in a moment.”</p><p>Kakashi’s eyes quickly fall shut, and Iruka twists his sleeve so he can take a bit of it in hand.</p><p>He dabs at Kakashi’s face, ignoring Kakashi’s start and starting at his right eye. He mops up the tears there before he twists his sleeve again and moves to the eye with the Sharingan, which is hidden below his headband.</p><p>“Can I move this?” Iruka asks, touching the lower edge of the headband where the cloth is damp.</p><p>Kakashi takes an unsteady breath in before he nods.</p><p>Iruka slips his fingers under the headband and pulls it forward then up, taking the whole thing off. He'd rather undo it, but he's mindful that Kakashi is a ninja- he's more dangerous now than he is when he's healthy.</p><p>Pressing the headband into Kakashi’s left hand, Iruka touches his dry sleeve to the wet sheen on the upper half of the scar that bisects Kakashi’s eye. His eye must have been tearing a lot for the tears to have reached this high up.</p><p>“I'm glad Naruto told me you sounded bad,” Iruka tells him. “I would have waited for you to come over on your own. You have had to recover on your own.”</p><p>“I've been doing it for almost as long as you've been alive,” Kakashi says. His voice cuts in and out, and both eyes tear up again as he coughs.</p><p>“And?” Iruka slowly tilts Kakashi’s head with two fingers under his chin. “We live to see what our future becomes, Kakashi, not to maintain our misery.”</p><p>Kakashi coughs again; he keeps his lips together, so his breath comes out his nose, tickling Iruka’s bare forearm as it does.</p><p>“If we couldn't ever have nicer things, who would want to live?” Iruka asks. “Naruto used to bandage all his scrapes. The first time I washed and bandaged a knee he'd skinned, he looked at me like he'd seen a world he'd thought existed but couldn't prove. It was one of the worst moments of my life, but I saw a new, better world, too.”</p><p>With the fingers under Kakashi’s chin, Iruka feels the curious noise he makes.</p><p>“Seeing Naruto smile really is like seeing the sun come out, isn't it?” Kakashi nods, and Iruka waits for him to still before returning to drying his face. “He didn't smile like that at first. He always looked desperate when he made trouble, like other people’s joy might make him happy. He laughed too hard when he played pranks- he played one on you the day you met, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“He laughed differently back then, didn't he? It wasn't happy; it was like he was making up for other people’s silence.”</p><p>Kakashi opens his right eye, studying Iruka steadily.</p><p>Iruka’s heart beats too loudly as he dabs at the new wave of tears that spill down Kakashi’s face. </p><p>Clearing his throat, he continues, “I'm ashamed at how long it took me to realize I was looking at a boy even lonelier than I'd been.”</p><p>Iruka had been put in charge of troublemakers before. He'd dealt with pranksters- kids like him, even ones with their families intact, aren't so uncommon.</p><p>None of them had been so willing to do the dangerous things Naruto did. He'd mellowed over time, especially with Iruka; unlike with other adults, even when he was at his most rowdy, he'd let himself be caught by Iruka. He'd argued about being scolded and having to clean up his messes, but if Iruka supervised him, he'd always stuck around.</p><p>“The Third spoke to me around the time Naruto stole the scroll at Mizuki’s urging. He reminded me that Naruto was even more alone than I was, but I already knew that. I'd already started to think of him as my child; I just hadn't realized I did.”</p><p>“That was the new world?” Kakashi asks, his eye falling shut. “You saw Naruto as your son?”</p><p>“Hm? Oh, yes, in a way.” Iruka shakes his head. He's running out of dry spots on his sleeve. “I yelled at Naruto for being reckless and dragged him away to clean him up, as any adult would when a child in their care gets injured would. I yelled too much, really. He'd been trying to juggle kunai while running and tripped over his own feet. I'm still not convinced he didn't fall on purpose.” Kakashi’s eyes seem to have stopped watering, so Iruka leans back. “He'd never been so quiet as I sat him down, but I was furious with him. What if he'd killed himself, you know? It's one thing to die to protect something important. Risking his life for a laugh… He was worth more than that. I told him as much, and he looked at me like I’d moved the heavens so he could see the world he'd been looking for. In return, without meaning to, he showed me what a truly happy child looks like.”</p><p>Kakashi doesn't open his eyes, but Iruka can feel the weight of his attention.</p><p>“So you're the one. I thought as much.”</p><p>“I'm the one?” Iruka asks. “The one what?”</p><p>“The one who taught him to love angrily.” Kakashi smiles despite how painful speaking must be. “He's always yelling at people not to throw their lives away. He sounds just like his teacher.”</p><p>Iruka swallows against the lump in his throat. “He would have done that anyway. He knows lives have value.”</p><p>“Without you, he wouldn't have made it this far. He doesn't doubt his worth because he heard you say it.” Kakashi coughs again. “You speak very firmly, you know. The road ahead of him will test his confidence, but he’ll always have the memory of his teacher yelling his worth at him.”</p><p>His voice is barely a whisper by the end, and Iruka reaches for the tea he'd forgotten. It's tepid now, but when he offers to heat it up, Kakashi shakes his head.</p><p>Iruka hands the cup to him.</p><p>Kakashi drinks from it clumsily.</p><p>“I really misjudged you, didn't I?” Iruka says quietly. “You love him, too. I would have tried to keep him in the village, and he would have resented me for it. You set him free of me. Thank you.”</p><p>Kakashi shrugs, but his face turns pink.</p><p>“I have to get up early to set up for an activity tomorrow. Will you be okay?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Keep drinking and eat what you can. And most importantly, sleep well, Kakashi.”</p><p>Iruka gets to his feet and, after making sure there's a blanket and a pillow within easy reach in case Kakashi winds up sleeping on the futon, takes his leave.</p><p>He saves the urge to kiss Kakashi’s forehead for Naruto.</p><p>“You're gonna give me what Kakashi-sensei has!” Naruto shouts, springing away. “What if I died, Iruka-sensei!”</p><p>Iruka rolls his eyes. “Go to bed, Naruto.”</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka wakes up with a pounding headache and bone-deep certainty that while he was sleeping, something scratched its way down his throat and died.</p><p>He stumbles out of bed, headed for the shower, when he sees Naruto leaning against the bathroom door.</p><p>Naruto’s voice is incredulous as he says, “Sensei...”</p><p>“No,” Iruka croaks. “Whatever that means, no.”</p><p>“So you weren't kissing Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asks. “Because that's the easiest way to get sick, you know. Bad hygiene.”</p><p>He nods to himself, looking very wise for a kid who hasn't intentionally kissed anyone.</p><p>Iruka can feel every millimeter of his own skin. Breathing hurts. Talking hurts. Looking at Naruto’s smug face as he gleefully heckles Iruka hurts.</p><p>He doesn't care that Naruto accidentally picked the worst thought to put in Iruka’s head. He's too busy fighting with his guts about not throwing up right here, child be damned, to acknowledge impending mental misery.</p><p>“Kissing is good for you,” Iruka tells Naruto flatly. “The only bad hygiene will be me getting sick on you if you don't move.”</p><p>Naruto narrows his eyes. Whatever he's thinking, it isn't anything Iruka is ready to deal with.</p><p>The curtains are open, and Iruka’s eyes are watering as the sunlight streams through the windows, right into Iruka’s eyes.</p><p>“Please, Naruto,” Iruka begs. “I really don't feel well.”</p><p>Naruto’s eyes spring open. He steps aside, and Iruka flies past him.</p><p>He hunches over the toilet bowl just in time.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>He flops onto the floor eventually.</p><p>It her than his rattling breaths, the apartment is silent. Naruto must have headed out- he probably has a mission. That would explain why he was awake before Iruka.</p><p>It would have been nice to say goodbye. Iruka misses him already.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Izumo’s words come back to him as Iruka drags himself upright and reaches for a washcloth. </p><p>
  <em> Right now, your belly’s full, but the rest of you is hungry. You can't be full if you never reach for anything. </em>
</p><p>Iruka can only hope he never feels full again.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka is lying on his back behind the futon when the door to his apartment opens.</p><p>“Iruka-sensei?” Naruto calls. “Where are you?”</p><p>“Floor,” Iruka answers. His throat feels like it's made of rusty nails, but if Naruto didn't leave yet, Iruka wants to see him.</p><p>Naruto’s head pops into view over the back of the futon. “Sensei!”</p><p>“That's me,” Iruka sighs. “Where were you?”</p><p>“You looked really bad, so I got help.”</p><p>Iruka squints at him. There's no one else here.</p><p>“A… clone?” he guesses.</p><p>Naruto frowns. “No.”</p><p>Something nudges Iruka’s foot. When he looks away from Naruto, he finds Kakashi squatting between his feet.</p><p>Kakashi smiles. “Afternoon, Sensei.”</p><p>“School?” Iruka groans.</p><p>“Cancelled. It seems a lot of people came down with something nasty.”</p><p>Relieved, Iruka lets out a long breath. “I'm sorry Naruto bothered you.”</p><p>“Well, you did take care of me yesterday. It's only fair that I repay you, right?”</p><p>Kakashi doesn't let Iruka try to find the correct response to that. He straightens up, takes a few steps over Iruka, and hoists Iruka up with a hand under his back and the other under his knees.</p><p>Iruka groans, shutting his eyes firmly as Kakashi carries him through space. “Not in front of my kid. He's going to think he's allowed to do this.”</p><p>“Don't worry about Naruto. He's had to carry me, and he doesn't try to pick me up on a whim.”</p><p>“You didn't drag him back to school under your arm when he was little. It’s retribution.”</p><p>Iruka feels himself be set down. He doesn't open his eyes, though. It's better without all the lights.</p><p>He hears Naruto and Kakashi talk, but their voices are far away. He's exhausted. Whatever he's lying on is comfortable, and just by keeping his eyes closed, he slips back into sleep.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Iruka wakes up slowly.</p><p>He's in his apartment. Kakashi must have set him down on the futon. A good choice. The cover is due to be washed soon anyway, and Iruka just changed the sheets on his bed.</p><p>Naruto is asleep sitting on the floor nearby, his head resting on the edge of the futon.</p><p>“He tried to stay awake, but he got so worked up about you, he fell asleep a few minutes after you did.”</p><p>Iruka traces the voice to his kitchen. Kakashi is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed loosely.</p><p>“You're lucky to have such a good kid.”</p><p>Iruka looks at Naruto’s messy blond hair and resists the urge to touch Naruto’s face. He's still baby-round. His cheeks are soft, his expressions cuter now than they will be on an adult.</p><p>No, Iruka revises. Naruto will always be cute. He could grow up as lean and angular as Kakashi and still be as adorable as he was when he was first assigned to Iruka.</p><p>“He isn't mine, though, is he?” With his eyes, Iruka follows the lines of the Nine Tails’ whisker marks on Naruto’s face. “I'd be really- I’d be happy if he were, but I can be happy like this, too.”</p><p>It still hurts to speak, but Iruka does feel a little better after sleeping.</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head but doesn't answer. “Are you hungry? I made soup.”</p><p>The idea of eating isn't entirely welcome, but Iruka nods anyway. It's better to try than not to.</p><p>Kakashi disappears for a moment, then returns with a small bowl and a cup.</p><p>“Water,” he says. “You've got some sports drinks I assume are for your students, but you should drink some, too, later.”</p><p>Iruka nods, draining the cup before Kakashi tells him to and swapping it for the soup. “Thank you, Kakashi.”</p><p>“Like I said, I’m only repaying what you did.”</p><p>He says that, but he looks miserable as he settles on a cushion on the floor by Naruto, closer to Iruka’s head.</p><p>“You don't have to stay,” Iruka tells him. “I can manage, and I have Naruto if I need help.”</p><p>“I'd rather stay, if it's all the same.”</p><p>Iruka rubs his eyes with one hand. “Why?”</p><p>“I want to make sure you're all right.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Kakashi gives him an odd look. “Because I like you.”</p><p>Even exhausted, Iruka’s body has the energy to blush. It hurts his heart a little, though. He comes up just a little short with the people here. He'd more than like to be Naruto’s father; if it were what Naruto wanted, Iruka really would move heaven to make it real. He wants to cook for Kakashi in a kitchen that's theirs. Naruto would live in their house as their son, and Iruka wouldn't feel the weight of his parents’ fears that their son wouldn't find love like they did.</p><p>“I like you, too,” Iruka says. “I'm glad to know you.”</p><p>Kakashi shakes his head. “I look up to you, you know. You're braver than you get credit for being. How many times has that heart on your sleeve gotten broken?”</p><p>“A few.”</p><p>“It’s been more than that. It breaks every time Konoha gets attacked. It breaks for your students when they get hurt. It broke for Naruto when you saw him living without love. It broke for me, too, didn't it? Even though I wasn't suffering that much, you came to my home and scolded me about staying in the past.”</p><p>Iruka struggles to see where this is going and comes up short. “You're very kind, but all of that is my duty as a ninja.”</p><p>“No, it isn't.” Kakashi’s jaw clenches. “It isn't your duty to love Naruto. It isn't your duty to keep a box of spices just for me.”</p><p>
  <em> Ah, he figured me out. </em>
</p><p>“I'm sorry,” Iruka whispers. “I’ll try to be more discreet.”</p><p>“That isn't-” Kakashi sighs. “You aren't listening, and I’m not good enough at this to do it correctly on my own.”</p><p>He looks even more unhappy now. It sits uncomfortably in Iruka’s belly.</p><p>Shifting onto his side, Iruka meets Kakashi’s eyes as squarely as he can without making his stomach roll. “Please try again. I’ll listen carefully.”</p><p>Kakashi chuckles unhappily, his eyes sliding past Iruka. “Just rest, Iruka. This isn't important.”</p><p>“If it makes you unhappy, it's important.”</p><p>“It's really not- Fine,” he sighs, catching Iruka’s gaze and deflating. “You're very stubborn.”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>Kakashi looks at him, and Iruka realizes he's seeing the Copy Nin feel dread.</p><p>Kakashi draws a long breath in and lets it out slowly. “When I come home from long missions, I eat very lightly. Even when I've been home for a while, I only like simple, familiar things, nothing fried or sweet. I don't mind other people eating them, but I’m still not very fun at festivals.” He looks down at his hands where they're folded in his lap, then back up at Iruka. “The village will always come first, but there are things I want for myself.</p><p>“For example, I want to know what it feels like not to want more than I have.” He looks at the soup Iruka’s been cradling absently. “Food isn't something I enjoy, but when you eat with me, I don't want the meal to end. I want you to stay after you finish eating. I want to know if you're thinking of other things when you're with me or if your thoughts stay with me.”</p><p>Iruka stares at him.</p><p>“This is what Asuma was talking about, isn't it?”</p><p>Kakashi nods. “It is.”</p><p>“Izumo and Kotetsu, too, I bet.” Iruka shakes his head, cutting off Kakashi’s question. “This morning, Naruto asked me if I was sick because I’d been kissing you.”</p><p>“Ah. He told me I had to come here and take responsibility for what I’d done.”</p><p>“You only had a cold, though. This isn't a cold.”</p><p>“He doesn't know that.”</p><p>Unwrapping one hand from the bowl, Iruka reaches for Kakashi’s folded hands.</p><p>“You're braver than I am.”</p><p>Kakashi’s face lights up. “Then-”</p><p>“I don't think of other things,” Iruka tells him, clasping his fingers around Kakashi’s wrist.</p><p>“Don't you, though?” Kakashi asks, smile fading. He nods at Naruto. “You said it yourself. You can be happy, but you could be happier.”</p><p>Iruka did say that. “I don't want him to think he’ll hurt me if he doesn't say yes and feel obligated not to. He has enough to bear. Besides, the whole village will recognize him someday. He’ll have his choice of families. I don't want him to regret taking my name.”</p><p>Kakashi lays his free hand over Iruka’s. “You should speak to him about that. Even if other families acknowledge him in the future, where were they when he was hungry? He isn't fickle, Iruka. Besides, he's already picked you. Right, Naruto?”</p><p>He nudged Naruto with his shoulder, and when Iruka follows the motion, he realizes Naruto is shaking.</p><p>“Naruto? What's wrong?” He tries to sit up, but Kakashi takes his hand off Iruka’s and lays it on his chest.</p><p>“He's fine. He’ll tell you when he can speak.”</p><p>It goes against everything, but Iruka swallows and nods. He sits up slowly, keeping his back pressed to the back of the futon.</p><p>Kakashi shifts with him, reclaiming his hands but only to take Iruka’s hand in his.</p><p>Naruto’s face is still buried in the futon.</p><p>Iruka keeps his hands to himself despite the pounding of his heart as he says, “Then I’ll wait.”</p><p>Kakashi smiles at him.</p><p>Waiting is hard, though, and Iruka still isn't feeling very well. He wants Naruto to tell him why he's crying so Iruka can fix it.</p><p>Or, if he can't, Iruka wants to hold him through it.</p><p>“Sorry, Naruto,” Iruka says, laying a hand on Naruto's shoulder, “but I can't just sit here and watch you cry like this.”</p><p>For the first time since Iruka woke up, Naruto makes a sound. It's an awful whine, and Iruka takes his hand back immediately.</p><p>“I'm sor-”</p><p>Naruto’s head snaps up. His face is wet from his eyes down to his chin as he asks, “How could you think I’d pick somebody else, Iruka-sensei? You gave me your headband when I graduated. You yell at me and you sneak food into my house and now I almost live in your apartment but you don't yell at me for that. You even got Jiraiya to repay me for Gama-chan.”</p><p>He doesn't try to hide the tears still pouring down his face. </p><p>“Those ladies told me you were really mad about that,” he chokes. “How am I supposed to say you're just my Academy teacher when you do things like that?”</p><p>Iruka doesn't have an answer. He can only look at Naruto and feel his heart break.</p><p>Kakashi is gripping his hand so hard it hurts.</p><p>Reaching for Naruto again, Iruka’s voice isn't just weak from being sick as he says, “Maybe ‘sensei’ isn't the right word for you to use for me.”</p><p>He strokes the top of Naruto’s head.</p><p>“Do you- Is there a word you'd like better?”</p><p>Naruto nods.</p><p>“Formally, you'd have to give up your family name,” Iruka reminds him. “In all the records, you'd be listed as Umino Naruto.”</p><p>“Fish come from the sea, don't they?” Naruto asks weakly. “I don't want to abandon my parents, but I-” He closes his eyes. “I really want you to be my family, Sensei.”</p><p>“I don't want you to give them up. We’ll keep calling you Uzumaki Naruto. You'll just have my name, too.”</p><p>Iruka sees the hug building the moment he says he doesn't want Naruto to give up the family he doesn't know, and he braces himself for the tackle he's sure will follow the promise of Naruto having Iruka’s name as a supplement.</p><p>The tackle doesn't come. Instead, Naruto leans up and across Kakashi, bodily blocking him as he puts his arms around Iruka’s waist, wet face dampening Iruka’s pants by his hip.</p><p>“Don't think this is getting you out of helping me clean next month,” Iruka warns, wiping at his own wet face. “I'm not cleaning your for you.”</p><p>Naruto whines, but it's the first whine in a world where Iruka can tell him to go to his room.</p><p>Iruka doesn't do that, but he could if he wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“You could wait for a while, and you could both take my name,” Kakashi says later. He's still sitting on the floor, one hand holding Iruka’s, his head resting on Iruka’s knee.</p><p>Iruka chokes on his reheated soup.</p><p>Sitting on the futon on Iruka’s opposite side, Naruto gives Kakashi a deeply unimpressed look. “Hatake Iruka doesn't sound as good as Umino Kakashi.”</p><p>“You just want my name to be ‘sea scarecrow’,” Kakashi accuses.</p><p>“And? Mine is basically going to be ‘seafood’.”</p><p>Naruto looks more excited by the prospect than anything.</p><p>“And that's better than ‘food field’ why?”</p><p>This is going to be a pointless but ongoing argument. Iruka can tell. They already know Naruto will take Iruka’s family name for the sake of the register.</p><p>What, if anything, Iruka and Kakashi do is another matter.</p><p>Even if ‘dolphin of the sea’ is redundant, 'dolphin field’ is just odd.</p><p>'Sea scarecrow’ on the other hand… That's an interesting concept.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>Kakashi has burned three eggs in a row.</p><p>“You really should pay more attention,” Iruka advises. “Is your mind on other things?”</p><p>“Why are you tormenting me?” Kakashi asks, put upon. “I can't concentrate when you're sitting on my counter, wearing my shirt, and you know it.”</p><p>He dodges Iruka’s next attempt at distracting him by pulling back too far for Iruka to kiss him without falling over.</p><p>Humming to himself, Iruka says, “You’re the genius Copy Ninja. Surely you know some technique for ignoring me.”</p><p>“I don't, and even if I had, I would have made myself forget it.”</p><p>Iruka leans forward with a groan. “Give me the spatula.”</p><p>Kakashi looks at him suspiciously. “Why?”</p><p>“Because you’re cute and I want to kiss you again, which you won't let me do while you're cooking.”</p><p>“But breakfast-”</p><p>“I’ll cook. You can't say I’m tormenting you if I’m doing the cooking.”</p><p>The spatula is shoved at Iruka almost faster than Kakashi steps between his legs, head tilted for a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>“What would have happened if I’d failed the test?” Iruka asks.</p><p>Kakashi makes a questioning noise against Iruka’s neck and shifts so he can throw his leg over Iruka’s.</p><p>They really should get up and shower. Even if they stick to the clean part of the bed, they're both sweaty and sticky, and Kakashi will complain about his hair later.</p><p>Iruka doesn't particularly care. Lunch isn't for a few hours; they have plenty of time for a nap, a shower, and a final few adjustments to their contribution to the potluck Kotetsu decided they should have.</p><p>“The first time we cooked together, you quizzed me,” Iruka reminds Kakashi. “When I asked you what would happen if I failed, you said I didn’t want to find out. What were you going to do?”</p><p>“Oh.” Kakashi hums to himself. “The same thing, probably. Come over, bully you into cooking, enjoy your company. I just would have called it a punishment and poked at you a little more. I hadn't really thought that far.”</p><p>
  <em> Yes, you had. </em>
</p><p>“You’re a romantic, aren't you?” Iruka asks.</p><p>“That or selfish. Who knows?”</p><p>“Who knows, indeed.” Reaching up, Iruka pets the back of Kakashi’s head. His hair is soft where it isn’t damp with sweat, even more than Iruka remembers from earlier. “I’m glad I passed. If I hadn’t, I might not have this.”</p><p>Kakashi hums. “Sure you would have. It might have been faster the other way, actually. You would have gotten annoyed with me within a month, and we would have had sex on your kitchen table. I would have kissed you, and we would have been deliriously in love together from the start.”</p><p>Unfortunately, he’s probably right.</p><p>There would have been pitfalls on that path, too, but Iruka isn’t interested in thinking about them. Kakashi is here and staying the night. Iruka finally got fucked like he’s been wanting. Unless something comes up, they’re going on a date tomorrow. Kakashi already decides what they're going to do.</p><p>Twisting his neck, Iruka kisses Kakashi’s cheek. “I’m still glad.”</p><p>He feels Kakashi’s happy hum.</p><p>“You should sleep while you can,” Kakashi advises. “Asuma lost the bet, so Guy is DJing.”</p><p>Iruka groans. “Hey, Kakashi-”</p><p>“I, for one, am excited to see how far Tsunade throws him, so I can't wait.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Maybe,” Kakashi says, “if you kiss me enough before we go, I’ll find an excuse for us to leave earlier. But it's going to take a lot, Iruka. You're going to have to work hard.”</p><p>He says it proudly, as if he hasn't just walked into Iruka’s trap.</p><p> </p><p>⁂</p><p> </p><p>They arrive an hour late and leave half an hour after that.</p><p>“You aren't going to stick around?” Kotetsu asks as Kakashi gives up on subtlety and grabs Iruka’s shirt. “There are some good dips, Iruka.”</p><p>Iruka smiles at him as Kakashi tugs on him. “Sorry, but I’m already full.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Come say hi on <a href="https://asotin.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> if you'd like to!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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